Joleen, Family, And A Little Ditty or Two

The sunshine drips its rays gently on my skin and I feel a warmth that seems to recharge my batteries. At 21 weeks along, my energy has felt so drained that the outside has done me some good.  Josselyn usually greets me with a bundle of kisses then begs to start her day with play time and laughter.  She doesn't hesitate to get going.  

The other day, I laid down to rest for a bit, feeling exhausted from the day's errands, I begged my sweet daughter to go play quietly in her room.  She grabbed my face that lay on the pillow and said, "Mommy, Joleen wants to cuddle with me."  

Weeks prior, we had spotted our little one showing us the gender in the ultra-sound.  A little girl.  So after a little battle, daddy and I settled on a name.  Joleen.  

 Now with our family of four feeling that much more complete, we've taken off.  Days are spent less on the computer and more in the sunshine learning to be with people.

For Memorial Day, we took a drive to pay tribute to those who served and are continuing to serve.  Riverside National Memorial Cemetery hosts a beautiful service each year.  We walked through the grave sites, reading names of those who have passed and clearing off sites that had been untouched for a while.

For Josselyn, death is a familiar grasp.  She was there in the room when her beloved great-grandpa died.  She watched as he took his last breath and teared as it all sank it.  So as we stood over the grave sites, she understood what it meant.

Our first river trip fueled our hearts back up as we were completely removed from all social media and just relaxed at the water's edge and soaked up each other's time.  Joleen made her presence known as her activity kicked into full gear  and her belly dwelling became the action site for twirls and kicks.

 The outdoors has become our haven.  Swim days.  Park plays.  A great rescue from weeks of bed rest and constant nausea.  It's been good to smell fresh air and hear the birds sing.

But home will always be our resting place.  Home will always be where are hearts are content and our love regains.   

My Reads

Since I am home having to do a lot of resting, I decided to get back into reading.  And it's been so good for my soul.  So so good.

So I decided to share with you some of my favorite reads so far because these are stories I believe in being passed on.  These are stories I believe can make a difference in your soul, which will put a huge shift into the ways of our world.  In a joyful way.  

*Click on the book image to go to their amazon purchase links.

I decided to purchase the kindle version of this book after I started following the author, Christine Caine, on instagram.  She had posted a picture of shipping containers on a ship and tagged it, "If you've read introduction in Undaunted you will know why this is so impacting in me in Instanbul."

Well, i hadn't read it but I was intrigued.  I knew Christine Caine was on the forefront of combating Sex Trafficking through her organization, A21 Campaign.  Were there people in those shipping containers?  Why does this impact her?  I wanted to know so bad, I immediately logged onto Amazon and purchased the book and started reading right away, only to finish the book the next day because I just couldn't put it down!  

I'm not an amazing book critic.  But I can say, that Undaunted isn't full of stories that leave your stomach sick and your heart burdened.  Instead, Undaunted encourages you and challenges the way we view our ability in Christ to live.  Undaunted left me craving more for my life in Christ so that others trapped in darkness might know the Light.  And I believe, for you, it could do the same!

*****

Kimberly Smith is my Angelina Jolie (and the same woman I wrote this post about).  I had always had a fascination with the Tomb Raider series.  I imagined myself fearless and capable to beat the bad guy.  I imagined myself tough, adventurous, and well, yes, attractive.  Which then led me to put Laura Croft with Angelina Jolie, the refugee rescuer as the media portrays her.  This would be the perfect mix.  Only, this mix isn't real.  Until I first heard Kimberly Smith speak.

My husband and I were attending The Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit last spring when I saw a topic on the Unadoptables.  I wanted to know more.  So I said goodbye to Jon as he chose another topic to sit in on and made my way into a room all alone.  

She was fierce, yet gentle.  She spoke passionately against the American Cowboy out to Save the World view that rested in the idea that we go out, rescue, then bring them to us.  She passionately begged the room of listeners to consider the many around the world that couldn't get passports or weren't even registered where the traditional form of adoption would never be an option.  And then she shared her story.

I was lost in her adventures and was in awe that before me was a real life version of a character I had dreamed up for so long.  I had to know more!  So later that day, after sitting in on another class of hers, I stopped at her booth to grab a book.  I had to read it over again.  Like I would watch Tomb Raider over and over.  It's a story of adventure.  It's a story of obedience.  It's a story of God's heart for those we can't simple save through adoption.  It's a story of those who respond to the orphaned by going to them and living there with them.  It's a story of great loss and a story of Great Triumph.  And it is a story that isn't over... 

It kept me up late weeping for the little cries that go unheard.  But it was worth every tear and every heartache, because the story is continued to be written.  There is hope!

*****

"Our apathy toward the mission of God is not because of lack of knowing what to do. It is our blindness to his glory and grace that keeps us satisfied with nominal Christianity. If you want to light a fire under your church for the mission, don't simply trot out your goals; lift up Jesus." Brad House, from the book, COMMUNITY.

Jon grabbed this book from a conference he attended last fall without paying attention to the title.  He just loved the free resources they were handing out.  

But the title intrigued me.  Community was something Jon and I craved.  It was something we were desiring to commit our lives to with others.

Although this book is specifically geared towards Community within Small Groups at Church, it is so very applicable to learning to live in community in any way.  It's about giving up of yourself.  Denying your selfish desires to live within your own walls and not letting others in.  It's about living in a way where others know your deepest sins ans secrets and LOVE YOU ANYWAY.  Its about learning to LOVE OTHERS ANYWAY.  It's about seeing others as Jesus sees them, because it makes it that much more pleasant to live alongside imperfect people.  

It's an excellent read.  Absolutely excellent!  

So there you have it friends!  These are my nightstand books at the moment.  I went a little haywire purchasing books for new reads, so I'll share those as I finish.  

Build Your Kingdom Here

"Build your kingdom here, let the darkness fear.  Show your mighty hand, heal our streets and land.  Set your church on fire, win this nation back.  Change the atmosphere, build your Kingdom here, we pray!" - Rend Collective Experiment, Build Your Kingdom Here

I grabbed my cell phone, like I do every morning and check my emails.  I went through and deleted most that don't interest me and saved one to read at a later time.

I receive her emails and updates on a regular basis.  And read almost every single one.  I sat in on two of her classes during last years, Christian Alliance for Orphan's Summit.  Her story intrigued me and her mission encouraged me.  I was anticipating this particular email as she had shared in a previous email that she was going to share a story of her "little Angel".  Once settled into the morning with time to read, I grabbed my phone and pulled up her email where she linked to a sound bite from one of her speaking engagements.  As she set the stage to share the story of her "little Angel", she encouraged the church she was speaking at with a verse:

"And now I'm going to tell you who you are, really are.  You are Peter, a rock.  This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep out."  - Matthew 16:18 MSG 

I'll stop here.  I strongly suggest you go to her post and listen for yourself.  And I pray it moves you.

Continue on...

I imprinted that verse into memory and when she finished, I ran to grab my Bible.

Not even the gates of hell will be able to keep out...  I repeated... not even the gates of hell will be able to keep out.

I wrote the verse down on a piece of paper three times.  Then paused to help the husband in the kitchen then asked him to sit with me.  I shared what I had heard then shared the verse.  Then poured out my heart to him...

I don't know why I've been so scared.  I believe that the Bible is clear that the Power of God is greater than any evil force.  I believe that we are given access through that Power in Jesus' Name with the Holy Spirit.  I just don't live it.

Instead, I've retreated to defense mode.  Allowing evil to be on the attack in my life.  I've been in desire to live uncomfortably for Christ yet so afraid of evil that I don't live on the offense.  And this unsettled me to my core.

I repeated again to Jon, "not even the gates of hell will be able to keep out."  What this means, that in Matthew 16:18 is that Christ describes the Church he will build to be on the offense in the battle against evil.

So why am I so afraid?  Why am I hiding in the confines of the safety of the American Church's way and praying that the evil that exists around the world just doesn't come close to home?

Maybe, just maybe, I have more fear against evil than I do faith in the Power of Christ.

So Jon and I prayed.  We made the commitment to grow together as a couple and a family that lives in the offense.  That lives to see everyone, not as a need, but as ones whose names are called by God.  This means our lives will have to drastically change.  Our choices will have to look drastically different.  And there is a slight excitement, that through her sharing her story of her "little Angel", God used Kimberly Smith, to wake us from our slumber of fear and onto HIS team actively fighting against evil in this world.

A Craft Adoption Giveaway

Hi Friends!

I just wanted to share, for no extra points to myself, but because I adore this young lady and what her family is doing.  They are in the process of adopting a little one from Africa... want to know more- Check out her blog and read for yourself.

But she's got a giveaway going on and I strongly encourage you to enter!  By donating to their adoption you get to enter into a pretty awesome giveaway!  So check her out!

Truth About Social Media // How I Pick and Choose

It's well known that we cant compare our lives via social media.  In fact, we know we shouldn't compare our lives at all.  But when it comes to social media outlets, I often find myself browsing through the photos in a facebook album and assuming she's got it all together.  Or going through her instagram feed, I'm left discouraged by all her amazing activities she takes her kids on.

I'm sure most of the time, it's rather unintentional, but we often base our ideas of a person's life on what they status update or post to their feed.  

And that's where I wanted to come in with this post...

I was with a friend the other day when she commented how I just photograph so nicely and how great I look pregnant.  

I thanked her then laughed as I leaned in and revealed a secret.  I fake it and selectively choose what to display.  

For example:  the photos in this post got me great compliments on my social media feeds.  And I was glad.  And proud.  But the truth behind the moment.  I was terribly sick and cranky.  I dragged my nauseated self, hubby, and little one to a field by our home and had the hubs take some pics.  What you don't know, is that right before I quickly brushed my hair and got out of my pj's.  As soon as we got to the field, I vomited in the bush near where I stood.  After we got back to the house, I quickly changed back into pj's and put my hair back into a bun and started browsing through the 28 images and selectively picked three that flattered my figure the most.  Keeping the unflattering images from your view... until now.

These aren't the most attractive of the set.  In fact, these were some of the worst.  I think even in the last two I was trying not to vomit.

Or take these next series of photos from this post that never made the cut...

It's similar when it comes to photographing my child.  I joke she's a natural.  And well, she kind of is... but it comes with just the one or two shots out of a series of hundreds of photos I'll take from a moment.  Or I'll reward her with ice cream if she'll patiently humor her mommy and all the directions I ask her to take.

Like this post... beautiful photos of a stunning little girl.  But typically when I ask her to smile... this is what I get:

Ultimately what you see of my life on Facebook, Instagram, or even here on my blog is what I selectively choose you to know or see.  The behind story, the ugly photos, the bad posture, the lazy days, or the bickering we do on a regular basis is not typically what I choose to display.  I show off the good parts of my life.  The pretty parts.

So although I'll keep selectively choosing what to display and what to keep private, I want you to know... this life you see on social media isn't all there is to me and my family.  There's deeply more!  There's a heart.  There's passion.  There's laughing.  There's crying.  There's days where I refuse to do what I'm supposed to do.  There's days where I forget to brush my teeth.  There's days when we cuddle and when we can't stand to be close for a moment.  There's much to me and us that doesn't make it to the monitor.  So I just hope that the next time you see a photo or read a post from me, you never feel like I have it all together.  Because I gracefully and ungracefully do not.  And that, my friends, is what I'm ok with.

The BUMP Diaries // 15 Weeks

STATS:  Week 15

Doctor Visit:  On this past Tuesday, I went into the ER for extreme cramps and extreme nausea.  I was treated right away and actually had a pleasant experience.  Warm blankets.  Food.  And gentle nurses and doctors.  I was pretty dehydrated so it was a relief to get some medicine and some fluids!  After an ultrasound (which was the shift in how I viewed this pregnancy) I got to see the little one actively flipping, bending, twirling and dancing.  The ultrasound revealed that I had placenta previa and they put me on bed/pelvic rest until my upcoming appointment.  Friday morning, I went in for my first prenatal appointment and was able to hear the heart beat.   It was beautiful.  And my Midwife experienced the first fetal kick, which I felt too, when she pushed down hard with the doppler to find the little one.  It was magical!  I'm on 4 weeks of pelvic rest until further examination where I hope to have shifted and the placenta previa gone.  

Clothing:  I'm starting to feel "ok" in wearing some clothes.  Sort of.  My family is starting to at least get used to seeing me walk around in baggy tshirts and mini shorts/undies since the feeling of anything tight around my stomach drives me nuts!  

Sleep:  I moved into my little girls room so I can sleep peacefully since any movement while I slept caused me to want to vomit.  But I'm a scaredy cat, so I asked the hubs to move the mattress to our room on the floor.  And I sleep much better at night in my own bed surrounded by pillows and no shaking from him as he sleeps.  

Food Cravings: THAI FOOD!  YES PLEASE!  Coco Salmon and Fried Tofu with Peanut Sauce.  YUM.  Yes please, and YES PLEASE!  Anyone up for a delivery tonight?!?!?!  No seriously! 

Food Aversions:  Fast food.  

Symptoms:  

Gas- OH yes!  So much of it.  Lots of burping.  Lots of air in me.  I try to avoid gassy foods.  But I constantly feel air move through me.  Blah!

Nausea- Gets worse with every week, but the past day or two, I am starting to feel a bit normal.  After the ER bought, I feel like things are starting to change with the nausea.  Just hoping it stays that way!

Cramps- FOR REALS.  Like mentioned before.  SEVERE these past few weeks.  SEVERE.  But apparently my little one is just stretching long causing my muscles to really ache as they stretch with him or her.    

Emotions- Unpleasant.  Probably how Jon would describe some days.  Then overly loving.  He laughs from my texts that I randomly send him committing my undying LOVE and admiration against the impatience with him I give him the day before.  I've also been extremely attached to Jossie and struggle with the fear of losing her.  When she's away I cry at the thought of her permanently being gone.  So I keep her with me ALL THE TIME (just kidding, but really).   

Digestion- So far.... all is well.  Knock on wood!

Mama Instinct:  Well, I was WRONG about the twins.  There is just one VERY active little one.  Still no gut feeling about boy or girl.  Hoping to find out this week.  Hoping!  

Family Impact: My sweet sweet girl is a great big sister.  She surprised us one day when she said goodbye to me.  She kissed me then tucked her head down to kiss the belly.  "By baby" she said.  I cried.  Of course.  She prays over the baby at night and now, before she goes to bed, she sings "Twinkle Twinkle" to my tummy so the baby can go to sleep and I can have a break from being sick.  What a sweet sweet girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Most Looking Forward to:  The ultrasound revealing the gender.  I'm so excited!  

He Still Works On Us

It's late.  And I'm up with a little one that woke up throwing up.  Well, technically she's back asleep, but I'm now wide awake.  My 7:30 bedtime is way past.  I blogged an engagement session from today, which made me feel great about my turnover time, and now I'm sitting here looking at old photos of the hubs and thinking about just how good he is to me.

I didn't have to clean her throw up tonight.  He did it for me.  He made sure I avoided the smells, and then he offered to have her sleep in our room, that way if she kept waking up to throw up, he'd catch it, so I can get a full nights rest in her bed.  Really... that good to me.  

But he's more than that.  

He's great to me.  Kind of more than I can attempt to write into words.  And maybe because it's late and I am pregnant that I feel incredibly emotional towards him.  In a good way.  Or maybe because we just shared our love story to a group of visitors today that has me glowing about how much this man has done for me for so many years and now I'm sitting here wanting to write a sonnet for him.  But don't worry, I wont. 

Marriage takes work.  Relationships take work.  And this man has proven over and over again that he'll work at us.  He'll work for me.  And I don't deserve it, but I love it.  We banter often about all the times he had a way out.  All the signs he could have caught.  But for whatever reason, he stayed.  And he worked harder.  

And all these past weeks of my lack of showers, his baggy shirts and yoga pants, little energy to clean up after myself, and my inability to stay up late to help him with homework, he still pursues me.  He still calls me beautiful.  He still apologizes when he responds unlovingly.  He still works on us.