Friday, August 19, 2016

I've Been Told I'm A MILSO

Acronyms.  They slay me.

I entered a land that speaks a foreign language.  One with so many freakin acronyms.  Thankfully my phone has that google speak where I quickly look up these letter bunches and I can act like I'm fluent in military terms, but sometimes I don't get the luxury of such searches and therefore I have to wing it.

I sat across a lady who asked me how well I was familiar with "MWR", so candidly I spoke of how I hadn't much experience with the program but was confident I could get to know how to use it (go ahead you veteran MILSO's- smack your head now.  Go ahead.)

For any of you reading this, like me, who have never heard of such a thing, MWR stands for Morale, Welfare and Recreation.  It's not an object, tool or program like I assumed.

She looked at me blankly then proceeded to the next question.  I was proud of my quick response, although I had no idea what she meant when she said MWR and carried on my conversation.  It wasn't until I was home that I googled and slid down into my chair in utter embarrassment.  What a NEWB!

In my new world I hear MPF, AFSC, MRE, DFAC, and the ever TOO often mutter of MILSO.  What the heck is a MILSO?  Apparently it stands for Military Significant Other.  My new label.   I like it a little better than "Civilian" which I am called in the most formal sense, but I'm not much of a fan.  However, it's my new reality now.  I'm a MILSO.  Branded.  Labled.

Yes.  I pick up ABUs scattered all around the house.

Yes.  I plan my calendars around TDY's and PCSing.

Yes.  I study, filter, and know my OPSEC.

I am a MILSO, or at least that is what I've been told.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Colorful Colorado

In case you missed anything on my social media pages, we moved to Colorado this summer, and it has been quite the transition!  I can't say that I have done it with grace and ease.  No, more like mental breakdowns, lots of crying and even a few fit rages in between.

Have you ever trolled through instagram or pinterest and wondered just how these gorgeous mama's set up their home so quickly and what appears to be peacefully in these moves?  If you haven't, WELL I HAVE.  First mistake.  But I'm going to hope and tell myself, that if I met them in person, maybe they'd tell me that behind the phone taking the picture of their organized neatly displayed move, is a messy bun with a face spotted with stress zits, and oversize clothes dressed for comfort.  Yes, that's what I am going to try to imagine because, that is me.  

Besides my temper tantrums and mommy time outs, we have had some gorgeous interactions.  We found a home, but in our current season, who knows how long this will last.  I started unpacking, repacking crap- err I mean, household goods that no longer flowed with the new home vibe, and staging and re-staging, then staging again all the rooms.  I'm just a hot mess I tell you!

We set up shop in the middle home, and just look at that view!  Our home faces the Mountains and it truly is breathtaking.  You might wonder how I can be such a hot mess with a home like that- because I wonder.  I guess I am just a hot mess.  So find comfort if you are too.  You aren't alone.  Let's work on that, shall we?

And in all my craziness, I found myself desperate for friendship.  I'm learning that I am a here and now kind of thinker.  It takes all strength to try to process things for the long run.  It's just not a natural trait.  And how I wish friendship was an easy bing bang boom- lifelong friends that will stop anything for each other when the going gets tough.  But I'm seeing that ain't the case.  Friendships are developed and invested in.  It takes risk, trial and error, investment (sometimes without return), trying new things, and ultimately trust in waiting (which I genuinely suck at).  Since being here, I've met some great kind ladies who I am praying turn into great friends, and I've had a decent share of ladies who wont even make eye contact with me (I once went to a meet and greet and not one person responded to my hello or even acknowledged I was there- TRUE STORY).  

So here I am.  Here we are.  New in Colorado and learning to adjust and trying to do it better than the day before.  

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Zack & Emily // Part 1

I recently took a break from my photo disappearance to photograph my sweet friends, Zack and Emily.  You might remember their Engagement session, and their wedding was even more lovely than their engagement.  These two.  I guess there really are no words to describe just how amazing and perfect these two are.  Well, I guess I can think of one: Flawless. // I failed at missing a massive shout out to my friend, Britney Jay, of relevant+raw, for the last minute awesomeness of second shooting for me and capturing some of my favorite shots that are also featured here.

Saturday, November 28, 2015

This Choice and Her Pain

She's so delicate. Her spirit so fragile.  She's only five and the weight of our choices are heavy for her.  

As a parent, we're constantly making choices that affect the whole.  Some smart, some lacking wisdom.  Some selfish.  Some selfless.  Some little.  Some drastic.   We carry the weight of the repercussion of our choices, but sometimes, it lingers onto the innocent hearts of the little ones we raise. 

Recently we've made a decision that is drastically changing the course of our family.  Our lives from this point on will look nothing the same as it once did.  And this girl, this five year old girl, is in the direct fire of the results of that choice.  It's hard to watch her ride it through.  

I know the pain will lead to a new season of goodness.  There's so much her heart will learn and grow from this time of great heart ache.  This choice of ours, we pray, shapes her into a woman who sees something greater than herself and her own world.  In the meantime, I ache, I hurt, I question, whether our choice was necessary and right because the pain seems too much for her fragile heart to bear.   

As she lays her little head on her pillow pouring her pain through tears as she weeps over the choice we made that has daddy leaving us for a long time, I know this is the perfect time to soak this in and write her a letter- so that when the day comes where this season is all over- we have this- this moment- to look back on.

A Letter To You Joss:
My sweet baby.  I'm sorry this feels too hard to do.  It hurts.  I know, baby girl, it hurts.  But we'll get through this.  It will end.  I promise.  This moment isn't our forever.  So let's do this.  You and me and Joleen.  Lets ride these long nights and these lonely days and lets seek adventure and  make the most of what we've got.  I know this is hard on you and its hard on me to know that you have to go through this in order for your dad and I to get to where we want to be as a family.  

Daughter of mine, we will fail you.  We will mess this thing up.  I wont always hold my strength.  I wont always be what you need me.  But baby girl, I will give everything I have left in me to help you make it out as best as I can.  And with whatever you see, may you just see that what carries me through, is the same thing carrying you in the dark moments.  

Baby girl, may you see Jesus.  May you see that no matter what comes from our new future, that you see we aimed our eyes at our God who loves you so deeply.  I pray, my sweet Joss, that from this you come to find a strength deep within you that you were made to be.  I pray that you rise from this with far more beauty in your soul that no pain could take away.  I pray that you gain eyes for a purpose greater than yourself.  

Precious girl of mine, I pray you are brave and stay true.  This time is just a part of your story growing you into who you are meant to be.

I love you.  To Jesus and back, my girl, I love you!

Your mama.