Friday, February 25, 2011


A lot of mornings I wake up confident, aware of my place in this world and ok with where that might be.

Then I have other mornings... where I ask myself, "Who do I think I am trying do do this?  There are so many people better than me!"  And I lose myself in a sea of better talent, better equipment, and better money.  If I'm going to be honest, that has been my mornings pretty recently.

Those closest to me will tell you that I have a hard exterior.  I come across as intimidating and maybe even a little scary.  And what in turn looks like confidence, is really just my shield to sift out those intending to hurt and use me.

It isn't a good thing.  I brag about this trait when it came to my brother's girl friends or those guys trying to chase my sister down.  But ultimately it's a trait I need to work on.  Because deeply my heart cries out for the feeling of significance.

I would be considered a quitter.  I dread the question, "where did you go to school?"  Because it will eventually lead to "when did you graduate?"  I'll have to answer, "I didn't, I dropped out."  And then my hubby might chime in with an innocent chuckle that I've dropped out of many schools.  Which is true.  I attempted Biola University, Beauty School, and then Community College, and lastly, Event Planning school.

I have multiple excuses, some legit, some not so much.  But what I find to ring true in the heart of each answer I give, there was someone better at what I wanted to do, so I gave up.

And so sometimes I feel less.  Less of a person.  Less of a roll in this world.  Less significant.

Some people are just made to be "great".  Some people are not.  I am one of those people that are not meant to have a name that stands out in any one catagory.  I haven't and probably wont master anything in life that will make my talent well known.  And although a lot of times I really do wake up confident even in that, I do have my mornings.

And so I find myself lost in a craft of more skilled photographers.  I find there are those with better equipments.  I find myself comparing.  Do you ever have those moments?

But I have a passion.  A Very Deep Passion.  And I do have a skill.  A skill I still need to work on.  And a skill I still need to perfect.  But it is there.  And with what I have, I give back.  The best of what I can do, I give.  And that, is where my heart thrives!

So yes, I have moments where I feel insignificant, unusable, talentless.  And yes.  There are days I listen to the lies whispered into my heart.

But I have better moments.  Moments where I am proud.  Moments where I feel confident.  Moments where I feel cherished.  Moments where I know that what I have to offer is the best that could be asked of me.  Moments where I feel Significant!

And the Truth is, that I am.  I am a part of a story made for a bigger purpose.  And that part I play is just as valuable as the part you play!  The Truth is, that my BEST is what can change the world.



  1. oh my gosh Jhen, you just wrote my book. Love this, I love this and you are significant...if not to anyone but our Savior, and really? He is what matters anyway. Love this, love you!

  2. Wow, I feel like that all the time especially when I'm looking at blogs! I feel like oh my gosh I could never be as great as that but then I think well you know what maybe I can!!! You're a WONDERFUL photographer. I love looking at your photos. You're also really good at blog design! I haven't been here in awhile and all the sudden it looks like this and it's AMAZING!


  3. Jhen you are GREAT! I have those moments too and it can be super tough to not think about it but it's good to remember that you are significant and that you can make a difference. I know a lot of photographers and while I think I their styles and photos are great, I LOVE looking at yours. You have a unique way of capturing the right moments that makes the picture just absolutely perfect. Every photographer looks at a picture a different way and I just have to tell you that you are one of my favorites! Don't think of yourself as a quitter either... there's something perfect for you out there. Don't give up hope thinking someone else was or is better for the thing you want to go for because I believe you would be great at a lot of things. Keep your head up :) I love reading your blog and I know you are doing all you can to help make the world a better place and that's all that matters :)

  4. Wow, Jhen. I read this entire post with tears in my eyes. You really hit home with the way I feel at least a couple times a week. Your words are resilient and shine through with your honesty. Your blog has inspired me to use mine as an outlet. You are wonderful in every way! Keep your chin up!

  5. you are an amazing writer!I feel your pain and feelings of not being good enough to really make a difference in this world .God made you to be just who you are ,beautiful and talented in all the right ways .Don't ever give up on your dream to make a difference.

  6. so funny how all of us women share your feelings! we were all there at one time or another.
    my daughter and i ARE NOT good at not being the best. Keep your chin up mama! You are doing YOUR best and thats all that matters!

  7. Are you the best, most loving mommy? YES
    Are you a devoted and faithful wife? YES
    Are you a loyal servant to the Lord? YES
    I'd say you're a pretty amazing person.
    Oh, and you take great pictures too. XOXO

  8. I hate mornings, and days, like that. =[
    It doesn't matter that you dropped out of school because you are talented. And if you have a degree but you can't take a picture to save your life, then I don't think that degree matters much.

    Be thankful that you found something that you love, without paying the time and money to learn how to do it. I have a degree in something I don't love and wasted four years of my life on something that I will never probably use.

    Chin up, you are talented, passionate, skilled, and you have such a beautiful eye. You'll go far. You have His blessing.

  9. I often feel the same way Jhen! You have so much talent though! And even if you didn't...girl you could go places just with that HAIR!!! And your a mom! Thats the greatest thing ever:)

  10. Do you realize how significant you really are - well yes, I know you do...but wow do you have a way with words! Yes, I have been there for sure. And I haven't had a chance to tell you how much i love your new design. Beautiful.

  11. Can I just say "ditto" to kari's comment? Hang in there, girl! You are amazing!

  12. I feel like this SO much!!! I am constantly comparing myself to other people, in all aspects of my life. Like you, I dropped out of college, and I DREAD telling people that. But the truth is, my calling in life is not to be a college graduate with some glamorous degree. My calling is to be a wife and mother. A good friend. It has taken me SO long to realize this. Of course, I still have those moments, the moments where I feel insignificant. But at the end of the day, I'm happy, and I'm doing my best.
    Love you girl!!! :)

  13. I second you and mandy on this one. Feeling the same way lots of days. dropped out of THREE colleges even.

    You amaze me every day my friend I have grown to LOVE you and admire you so much. and PS why is it when you are feeling THIS way you look THAT good?! not fair

  14. I think everyone feels this way with certain things in life! I, like you, feel it with almost everything! I didn't graduate from college either. I don't know if I'm going to go back or not, but I know that where I am right now is where I'm supposed to be. I'm supposed to raise this beautiful little girl that I have, just like you are with Joss. And no one could ever be a more perfect mom to her, but you! That is definitely something that, even though it took me awhile to realize, will ALWAYS be true.

  15. I dropped out of college too;0. I used to dread being asked about it but, I've come to a place where I realize I am SO okay with not having a degree. That degree would be useless for my role of being a stay at home mom and now I tell people that with pride (uh..humble pride??lol) God doesn't care about degrees!! The things the world considers great are not the things that God considers great. When we put it in that perspective I know you can do GREAT things for the Kingdom. Our names may never be in headline news here on Earth but, they will certainly be recognized in Heaven when we stand before our King. You have SO many talents Jhen. I think a lot of women might even envy you in the blog world. Beauty, adorable family, gifted photographer with our without nicer are very good, blog design skills, charisma, writing many wonderful gifts and talents that are blessing SO many people. But yes, we all have those days without a doubt. Satan's efforts to make us feel insignificant...and to hinder the work we are doing for the Kingdom by getting us distracted. Thanks for being real and sharing your heart so we can encourage you! You are a GREAT woman of God and that my friend is all that matters. Blessings and hugs!

  16. You're beautiful!! And thank you so so much for getting gift cards for Rebecca and Jenna. Last time I talked to Jenna's mom she had only received one gift card, so I know yours will be a big blessing to them. Thanks again!!

  17. i have these same moments many times :) and i too, have dropped out of many schools (christian university, beauty school, etc...)
    keep pressing on :) it is so worth it!


  18. I second Mandy:
    Not everyone's calling is the same! I dropped out of college, too!

    Thank you for writing this! Even the most confident of people have these feelings! The truth is, you ARE significant because of who you are in Christ. Keep your chin up!

  19. It is so good and freeing to read this coming from someone else. I feel the same way. It is hard to put yourself out there with the things you made, whether that be an image, or a skirt, or whatever. It is hard to trust your process and be okay with being imperfect. I have a vision in my head of how I want my pictures to look or how I want the things that I make to look and they never come out looking like that... and maybe they never will, this side of the kingdom. I am learning also to do these things because I love to create and make art, not because I have to come out on top in every comparison I make. Comparisons are so harmful and totally not the point... but it is so hard not to compare! I really love reading your words and seeing pictures of your precious little girl. Keep pressing on and cultivating your gifts.

  20. The great thing is that Christ doesn't ask you to be the best, or even better. He just asks for YOU. He'll take care of the rest. :-)

  21. Oh boy. Did you sneak into my head or something? Because I swear I could have written this myself. I find myself feeling that way a lot. There are so many people who are better than me: better blogs, better photography, better equipment. And I sit around and wonder why on EARTH I am even bothering to compete with them. It's frustrating. It's disappointing. It drags me down completely. I dropped out of college; and I've done nothing of major note since [or even while I was there]. And I feel like a failure 99.9% of the time. It's a never ending battle. One that I will probably always struggle with. But just remember, that when you write things like this, you ARE making a difference. You ARE reaching other women. You ARE an encouragement!! Hugs!!

  22. I have the same issues... I have a passion for photography like nothing else (besides being a mom) but I feel untalented and useless more often then not... so you definitely wrote about me today, as well!
    YOU my dear are inspiring, and a very talented photographer! :)

  23. Oh yes...i have WEEKS with feelings like that. I have a degree..but all of my peeps around me studied and have great job. Mine is not that great..i am only working part time and didn't get much money. I sometimes feel like i am not good enough to get a real good job.
    All people around me have families...bought their houses...are stay-at-home-mommies. I just got alone...having a the age of 30!! I feel like i am too late with everything.....gosh!

  24. I could have written this. I'm the exact same way, always feeling like someone is better, always quitting because I don't know if I can be adequate enough.

    But don't get caught up in it. Be the best you can be. Do everything you do for your maker, not for others in this world. Then, you will be great.

  25. Oh JHEN!!!!! Your words a echoing in my ears like you wouldn't even believe! I feel like this nearly EVERY day! At least once a week i say out loud, "Who am I kidding, I'm not good at this. There is no way i could ever make a carrier out of it."

    I see so many skilled, (and some not so) buying or signing leases on studios. I long to be at that point. But I know for it to be a sound business that will contribute to family, not burden it, it takes time.

    You're an amazing photographer and I have loved watching you grow these last six months. You've jumped leaps and bounds in SUCH a short amount of time! Not to mention you're doing an amazing thing with your business model.

    Keep up the awesome work girl, you're so not alone in this world! <3

  26. I think the moment you feel like you are better than everyone else... is the moment you need to take a look at your heart. There's definitely a fine balance to it all.

    Embrace who you are, embrace your gift (you are GREAT at photography) and know that WE all strive to do better, to learn more, and to hone our craft. Don't get lost in comparisons. The moment we stop wanting to do better, is the moment we become bored with what we're doing.

  27. Wow, I love when you share your heart. It makes you that much more relatable and beautiful. I think any woman has had one of these moments...we would be lying to say otherwise. You are made for something so great, so beyond what you can even conceive. I get down on myself so easily and take on condemnation and guilt as if it were going out of style. The wonderful thing is, even in that place of beating myself up because I believed those lies AGAIN, Christ is already declaring freedom and acceptance over me. Its so cool to know the Truth and know that it applies always, regardless of what I have or have not done!