She only wanted me to carry her. Daddy wasn't cutting it and the thought of walking just didn't seem to fancy her. So she asked for up up from mommy. I swooped her out of her car seat and skipped into our local grocery store. I squeezed her tight and said "I love you". Playfully back, she grabbed my cheeks and said "Mommy" then wrapped her arms around my neck tight and refused to let go.
She is three years old now. Full of life and wanting to learn as much as she can. She is delicate with other children, observing and wanting to best care to the needs of each one. The thought of ever having a sibling has her running circles screaming NO NO NO. She loves to have her bible read to her before every time she lays her head on her pillow, although she is making it clear that she doesn't love Jesus just yet (a pang to my heart, but something so real of her heart). She is a feisty little one and the biggest cuddle bug I ever got to hold.
We've been looking back at her baby pictures, scrolling through hundreds of images of her young life that had her bouncing, with a gummy smile. I miss that stage. I miss her. The young one I hold now is growing so fast before my eyes. I seem to be missing so much because I seem to be making myself so busy. I can't remember when she first started saying 'mama'. I can't remember the feeling of picking my crawling baby up and playing. I was too busy trying to become something. All the while missing out on the very real thing I was already. Josselyn's mother.
I would spend hours blogging. Hours editing (since I had no idea Lightroom even existed). Hours spent home beside her, but rarely with her. I have more home videos other people videotaped with my little girl, and although I was home, I wasn't in most of them. And it pangs my heart.
Luckily, she's full of grace. Forgiving of the long days I spent on the computer doing who knows what. I wont always get to stay home with her. She wont always get to stay home with me. And even days when I have to leave to work, I know she enjoys time with others and looks forward to my return. I just need to learn to cherish what I already have so I don't miss any more.
I adore my little girl. She makes my bed more cozy. My couch more cuddly. My home more messy. My life a bit more crazy. But my heart so much more full of love!