From Here To Eternity Blog

Genius

2012-02-10T07:25:00.000-08:00

Meet my little brother...

This, That, and A Little Bit of Random

2012-02-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

Nothing fancy here. Just a mama in her jammies. Paper scattered all over my desk. Cups with only 1/8th contents left. Random toys are all over the floor of our tiny little room that desperately need to be cleaned up. Today, I'm determined to clean.

We took a job in our hometown about 35min from where we're at. We're excited and so ready to dive in with full steam. But our distance away is quite the challenge. So ~~we've~~, no scratch that, I've been working on finding a new place to live. And since Joss has been born, OUR PLACE TO LIVE.

It's an exciting time to think that in our near future we can finally call some place OUR HOME. Its important for us to learn to live within our means, so I've been spending the past days going through all our stuff, which has caused a chaos of a mess, and organizing donations from trash. I've been pining like crazy since it has been so long since my creativity has been given a canvas to decorate.

But more than that, I get to be the mama of the home. I get to be the domesticated diva.

So our current home is a little chaotic. My parents have been in Jossie's life daily since she's been born, so they're taking all the extra time they can get before we free their spare bedrooms. And we've been enjoying some much needed time after a whirlwind of the holiday season last year.

I'll sneak in a few posts on the photo projects we've been working on. Wedding season has officially kicked in for us so I better catch up before all time gets lost. Until then, enjoy a little instagram (find me on instagram at StarkLove).

She & Me

2012-01-30T09:02:00.000-08:00

Jaclyn & Benjamin :: The Wedding

2012-01-28T10:13:00.000-08:00

This is probably the most personal wedding Stark Love will have ever shot.

Jaclyn is my sister. My best friend. And Benjamin is her better half. The one that doesn't give in, but gives her his all. And this is their wedding.

It was the hottest day during our 2 week stay in Australia. Most of our hair dos didn't last the intense humidity and heat. Time ran faster than we thought it would. Photo opportunities didn't necessarily go as planned. And only one shooter the entire wedding. But it was a beautiful. She was radiant. He was dashing. They were absolutely stunning. And even though three days later we boarded a plane 13hrs back to the States with the Pacific Ocean between us, we had the time of our lives.

There are little words to describe the magnificence of this day, so instead I'll write it with visuals.

Tea with Josselyn

2012-01-25T13:06:00.000-08:00

I dreamed of the day when this would come.

Enough

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-08:00

Jaclyn & Benjamin The Wedding Website: Brisbane, Australia

2012-01-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

This is a new kind of post. In fact... this is a new added feature to Stark Love and our wedding collections, and although I'm still figuring out the details to how we'll blog it all, this is it. So consider this, if you will, their informal blog post. I'll give them their formal blog a little later.

But let me introduce, Benjamin and Jaclyn Magee! (Click the pic for their website)

Hello. Goodbye.

2012-01-20T07:36:00.000-08:00

Well. Hello. We're back. Well, technically I never announced we left. But we did. And oh man, it was something.

In the past month or two we've had to say some serious hellos and goodbyes. And quite frankly, they seem to be words we'll be saying over and over again in our future.

Hello family moving back to Cali.

Goodbye Cali- we're off to Australia.

Hello new family in Australia.

Goodbye Auntie Jacky, we'll miss you more than words.

Hello 2012.

Goodbye 2011.

Hello year full of weddings.

Goodbye Portrait Sessions.

Yes. Lots of serious hellos and goodbyes were said. Lots.

But in the end, all worth it. Because each one meant something monumental for us. A reminder that life is changing. We aren't static. We are moving towards and end. One that is Good. One that is worth it.

I could write you a detailed list of our time in Aussie land. Part of me wants to. Part of me doesn't. Part of me realized we didn't take as many pictures as I thought we did of our vacation. So we'll just leave it simple, and let life just remain a memory in the mind. I guess it just was never meant for a paper. Or in this case, a virtual one.

I can write, however, that we went with the intent to share in the beautiful wedding of my sister and now brother in law. I was the matron of honor. Jon was the photographer. Joss a flower girl. It was hot. My heart ached in ways I didn't realize it would. But the moment was beautiful. And we gained a brother with an amazing accent I wish you could hear. Yes. She married an Aussie Bloke.

And now that we are back, its straight to the grind. My sister's being Stark Love's first 2012 wedding, we swung into the season with all our might. And I made the mistake of lingering in responding to emails while we were away and now I'm backed up I feel overwhelmed just looking at my inbox. Probably a challenge for tomorrow. With the amount of weddings we have this year, we decided to make that our main focus. But I constantly need a challenge. So I have something different up my sleeve that I'm itching to announce. I'm tempted to spill the beans at this very moment. But no. I'll wait until it's all together. But oh, its so fun I want to shout it out. Have I planted a seed of curiosity yet?

So hello virtual friends. I hope you had a glorious holiday season. Glorious!

And I'll end with a goodbye full of goodies.

The Customs House: Where my sister had her reception

A glimpse of the Cathedral where my sister was married.

Roo Meat anyone? Kangaroo that is.

Doesn't Sit Well

2011-12-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

Right now. At this very moment. I am sitting here. My head is heavy. My heart is broken.

I have a stack of bills. A few papers that mention collection notices.

I want to scream and cry and pout. I was flipping through as many websites on different financial options and banging my head against the table for all the December photo shoots I turned down so I could spend more time with the family- because right now, that extra money is LOOKING DANG GOOD.

But as I went going through one of the websites tabbed at the top of my screen- I came across this photo. And my heart wept.

Source: favim.com via Jhen At on Pinterest

It doesn't sit well, does it? I'm filled with the urge to rummage through the cabinets, get all the food and formula we may have, grab blankets and all the extra money we have and swoop these two up. Hold them and NEVER LET THEM GO.

But this is an image on a screen that I can't penetrate. Why? Because I am comfortably sitting in my computer chair, looking at my oversized computer monitor and not out there loving the least of these.

Right now. At this very moment. I need to be still. I need to be thankful. I need to shut up. I need to prioritize. I need to let go. I need to rethink a lot of things. I need to be patient.

Right now. At this very moment. I NEED JESUS.

Right now. At this very moment. Millions of others do too.

A Milestone

2011-12-15T08:38:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure the older my little one gets the far more disheveled I become.

It's not even that early and there are tissues scattered across my desk, toilet paper unraveled all across the couch, and our laundry scattered around because a little girl found it more fun to spread mama's clothes out. My mascara from the night before has left dark black circles under my eyes and my battered nose is Rudolph red from the many use of tissues to fight the runny nose.

I'm incredibly worn out from her new discovery to challenge my commands with the word 'no' and her new found love with the whiny tone to every word she speaks. She's a runner when it comes to diaper changes and streaking has never caused such a chuckle.

She's a rambunctious little girl and despite all the new challenges ahead, I LOVE IT. Her personality is the spitting image of her father and the more I look at her, the more I see him shine through. She's absolutely beautiful and the greatest treasure my heart can hold. She hit the milestone and we are making our way, with our helmets, shields and all the protection we'll need, into the year of the ~~terrible~~ terrific twos.

A Little Note From The Birthday Girl:

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''\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

What I learned in 2011 and All the Trappings That Come In Your First Year In the Wedding Industry

2011-12-14T08:27:00.001-08:00

Like that long title? At least its to the point.

So now that the year is coming to a close, I've had to take a long look back at this last year for Stark Love in order to prepare for next year. And this is what I've learned:

Photography is an Art. Enough said. It is the ability to create a still image of life that is constantly moving, shifting, and changing. It is my ability to communicate the emotion that once was, so that it is forever imprinted in an image. It is an art. And for me, by thinking that, it became less and less about a business.

I can't compete. I don't need to compete. I shouldn't compete. And the only way I can fight the competition, is to stop looking at all these different photographers and compare my business model, my work, my photos, my clientele, my comments, my stats, and so on. Let go of all the pretty pictures other photogs take and just work on honing in my own look, style, and talent. So I got off the bandwagon and just started going my own way with all the rules out the door.

Have a Top Five. I still need to be challenged, pushed, and encouraged to see outside of my own box, so I picked my safe Top Five photogs, who I don't feel less when looking at their photos, instead I feel empowered to do more. These top five photogs are who I study, learn from, and allow their work and business model to inspire me. (Wanna know my safe Top Five: Jonas Peterson, Troy &; Aimee Grover, Katie Neal, Stone Crandall, Jasmine Star )

LET GO. My first year I did everything I could to check out other's photos, try to assume what they used, had, and did, and worked my best to do similar. Because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. Learning to LET GO of what other's were doing and learning to just be myself, was probably the MOST pivotal moment in our business and where our personalities felt FREE and safe to just be US. And that was when our serious bookings took off.

Stop the Envy. Most of us probably have it and probably like to deny it. It's even a running joke among photogs about camera gear envy. I remember showing up to a location where other photogs would also be shooting and I would see their gear was bigger than mine and probably far better. And I would feel insignificant, stupid, and ready to call it quits. But when I trusted my ability over my gear, and learned to just rock the gear I had, I saw my confidence take root in the images I was producing. And in the end the confidence allowed my images to come out cleaner, and better than before. So as I was able to upgrade, I knew how to work my gear and utilize its full potential.

Pin Point Specialty And Stick To It. I heard and read this over and over again but didn't let it soak in because I was too worried about getting as many clients as I could so I didn't care what they wanted, I was willing to do it. Not until the end of the year did we make the decision to just focus on just one area of photography did I realize why it was said. Instead of spreading myself thin with my creativity and talent fading, we're able to devote more time to fine tuning all the areas devoted to weddings.

Contracts! Contracts! Contracts! And this isn't just to protect yourself. Clients feel safer when they know that you are being held accountable as well. But go beyond what you would think. Get contracts for second shooting. When you're blocking out a date and turn down future business, protect that date with a contract. This year, I didn't take contracts seriously and lost out on multiple weekends that I had business planned and was canceled last minute and all I thought of was the clients I had to turn away. So get contracts. It is actually safest for everyone involved.

Branding is a big deal. I enjoyed playing around with fonts and my logo for a while and it drove my husband nuts. I just thought it was fun, pretty, and I liked it when people comment on one they thought was cute. But what I had no idea, was the branding was actually what first defined me and my work. Branding is one of the biggest thing a client looks at whether they know it or not. So if I had a playful logo, I was portraying a more playful personality. So, I had to define the kind of photographer I was, the kind of business we wanted to have and design our brand from there. The colors meant everything. The feel. My job was to attract the kind of clients that were drawn to the feel my logo sends off. So when we pin pointed what we wanted, we started to define our brand. And we like it.

There is plenty of work to go around, so share! This year, this was probably the most challenging thing to get through. I had a photographer friend skype me for two hours to help me work on my workflow for editing and teach me a few tricks. We work in the same area yet he was still willing to help me get better. To most, this is putting a knife through his business, but to him it was more. He grew in leaps and bounds this year and so did I. Both our business took off. I loved what he told me "There will always be people getting married." And that really stuck with me.

Not All Clients Are For Me. This I most definitely didn't understand until one in particular session went south. I just tried to take on as much business as I could. So I said yes to just about EVERYTHING that came my way and from EVERYONE that came my way. What I later learned was that some yes' might actually not get you business, especially the kind of business we wanted. I found myself trapped in a situation that I ended up losing out on in order to make the client happy. I later learned that my style isn't for everyone and everyone isn't for me. And it might just be better off that way.

Keep your clients close and your fellow photogs closer. Nothing could currently be a bigger inner battle than that statement right there. But it is constantly what I'm telling myself. And I'm talking about all the local photogs. I've had my fair share of being used for someone else's gain, but I also understand that in my own place, having friendly photogs is important, so I must be one in return. And since I'm not a great newborn photographer, it is excellent to have local photogs who I can send clients to (even if they don't do the same in return). But living in the same town with mean photogs isn't fun - what happens when we bump into each other- so we might as well make the best of it and get to know each other.

Balance Your Books. My biggest mistake this year was not paying attention to the financial side of our business. At the end of the year I went through all our expenses and realized we were spending far more than we were receiving. Whoops! Biggest mistake ever. No wonder why photography is so expensive for both the clients and the photographers. Time to revamp things up a bit.

Joined Showit. This was probably the BIGGEST choice I financially made this year that was the BEST for us! From website to a community of photographers to experts leading the way that believe in helping instead of hoarding, BEST CHOICE EVER.

I hope some of the things we learned this year can help rocket you into a better place next year. We had a year full of silly mess ups that could've been avoided, but we also had a year with some of the best clients out there. With six weddings in our first year, we're anxiously looking forward to the year ahead. But before we do...

Learning

2011-12-12T07:08:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from my upcoming post "What I Learned in 2011 and All the Trappings that Come in Your First Year in the Wedding Industry"

2:00 AM

2011-12-08T12:31:00.001-08:00

Last night, I stayed up ridiculously late working on this little beauty:

Go ahead, click on the picture, and browse around. I'm extremely in love with Showit, the program, community, and the brains behind our website and business. I get the freedom to design my website exactly the way we want it and we can do it knowing absolutely nothing about html. It's brilliant, really. I'm eternally grateful to Brett & Tori for introducing it to me.

Now it's onto finishing the final draft of my end of the year blog post (which holds all the tricks, lessons, and details behind all the we learned this year and how we'll be doing things differently next year).

So Pinteresting

2011-12-02T06:26:00.001-08:00

Sometimes on pinterest I come across tutorials to create money saving home decor, effective cleaning supplies, and even photography tricks. One, in particular, I really wanted to try:

NOTE: The photo below is not mine. It was taken from Pinterest and belongs to Lindsey Mills Photography. The photo came from a blog tutorial on backdrop lighting, called PropInsanity

SOURCE: Propsinsanity.com (Not my photo above)

So I played around with it creating a similar backdrop stand as you see in the picture above using PVC pipe we have for our photo booth backdrop, and wrapped lights up and down across the top pole (just like above). I didn't have as much room so I used a sheer white curtain to hang in front of the lights to dim out the green cords (since I didn't have white light cords like you see in the picture). It was also night time when I tried this, so I used my flash which I bounced off the wall behind me allowing it to light up the whole area better.

I started with my Jossie, whom I had to bribe each pose with a small marshmallow, and later had to reap the benefits of late night sugar.

Nikkor 24mm 1.4 Lens

Then I got my hands on a little beauty who was in town with her parents during a layover flight. She perfectly posed as she studied the big black camera in her face.

Nikkor 50mm 1.4 Lens

And proof that the marshmallows are probably not the best thing to bribe with considering late night sweets probably don't calm a child down:

I Am

2011-11-29T15:26:00.001-08:00

Life, Jossie, and the Pursuit of Holiness

2011-11-28T14:22:00.001-08:00

In seventeen days our daughter will be TWO. In thirty days we'll be boarding a plane to Australia to attend, be in, and photograph my sister's wedding to the good ol' bloke from down under who brings out the best in her. In fifty-three days we'll be in transition to finally make our way out of my parent's home and into our own. So life, as you can tell, has a few adventures in store.

I've been working late hours and all the weekends to take on as many photo sessions I can and happily booking 2012 weddings. I've been flirting with the idea of pulling away from portrait photography and focusing more on weddings. But I make crazy decisions all the time, so we'll see what happens.

And all this flirting is because with each day, my daughter is asking so much more from me, and its all the things I want to give to her. She's asking for my time. My devotion. My silly singing. My dancing around the living room. My rock rock's to sleep. My cuddles when she has a boo boo. And my correction for when she's doing a no no. And all of these things pull me further and further away from the computer screen. Which will have to mean less and less photo sessions for less and less processing. But it is a job I'm willing to let go of because the reward is so great!

Her love for her babies is a trait I deeply foster. Each one gets a turn on the high chair to be fed and she gladly rock rocks the ones that are sad and tucks each one into bed. It's either a sign of her future as a mother or her desperate cry for siblings...

We've recently been asked to consider a position at a church to work with the youth ministry. And in the first interview with the Pastor, he asked what our vision in life is and then encouraged us to take steps toward that vision, whether it takes a year to finish or the rest of our lives. It reminded the both of us to think again at what is deeply in our hearts.

We would really love to open a home to rescue abandoned, neglected, trafficked and abused children and babies, while encouraging families and parents to get help and treatment in order for the ultimate goal; restoration. Because we truly believe that a group home is never really the best option. My heart wants to scoop up the unloved and wrap them in my arms, adopted them into my heart, and forever encourage them in love! Its the desire that has uniquely formed my inner most being and one I believe is my story in the reflection of God's Glory. And sometimes it can be quite frustrating to have the desire with no outlet to make it happen. In that very frustration, I've allowed myself to become complacent and comfortable, yet screaming out for the Holy Spirit to move in me.

But someone wise once said that if the Holy Spirit is the ultimate comforter, I can't feel him if I'm already comforted. So move to a place of uncomfortably and he'll meet me there. So as we pursue the Holy One, we are choosing to step out of this comfortable place we've called home and go where the least of these reside.

Peep Peep

2011-11-26T22:58:00.001-08:00

Jossie just wanted to pop in and wish you all a happy decorating for Christmas day!

I have about 3 draft posts written up that have yet to be filled with pictures. So stay tuned. I've got photos to dump, my heart to pour out, and all the things I learned about photography in two thousand eleven.

Alina and Fran / The Wedding

2011-11-18T11:24:00.001-08:00

We've been incredibly lucky to work with brides and grooms that we consider friends more than clients. And this couple is no exception. We first met Alina and Fran in March of this past year for a mini session that was raising money for a local charity's trip to Honduras. They decided to use the mini session for their engagement pictures. We immediately fell head over heels for this couple and as the friendship grew, we found ourselves running around Disneyland for their real engagement pictures and documenting their big day! We're so lucky to have been a part of their love story!

Thoughts from this mama...

2011-11-15T08:11:00.001-08:00

Tons of ideas flow through my head and a lot of times I try to make those ideas come to life. But as each day brings new challenges and different plans than what I thought, I learn to go with the flow.

Due to recent and upcoming changes our family is making for ourselves, we're having to end the Vintage Event Design. Gladly, since I got most of our items at such an excellent sale, I'll have furniture for our future home, no matter how far in the future that may be.

And come the 2012 year, we'll be focusing more on photographing weddings, and less portrait work. With Josselyn a budding little toddler, its becoming a lot harder to find the time, babysitter, and creativity to produce work families and clients deserve. So we'll see how that goes.

And our little one is about to turn two! Since when? I could've sworn she was just a baby in my arms wiggling around stretching and taking in the new world. And now she's exploring new areas but with a black permanent marker so that she can leave her mark that's she's explored this and explored that.

2012, I'm sure will hold interesting new adventures. We're unsure what they'll be, but interesting indeed. So thanks for baring with me. For putting up with announcements of new changes that sometimes don't even come to life. But we're still at it, and full of love, Stark Love that is *wink*.

Love,

This mama

Alina & Fran / The Teaser

2011-11-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

Thrifting Thursday / A Little Collection

2011-11-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

So we're working on our start up collection of vintage items and putting them in a gallery/inventory, so I'd thought I'd share a few things we have. Many of our items are hand me downs, while others are thrift finds or estate sale steals... Recently we showed up at the last thirty minutes of an estate sale and got $200 worth of doilies and lace for $20. Brilliant, I do say. ( But that hasn't been photographed yet).

Friday

2011-10-28T13:19:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! Wahoo.

After an interesting day that started with me learning how to put air in deflated tires (which took $3 and 20 minutes), Jossie upchucking her entire stomach content right as we pull into the Disneyland drop off zone, a photo shoot that ended with the discovery of a giant screw stabbed into my newly inflated tire, and ended with me losing my car keys in the bathroom stall at Downtown Disney 'causing a 4.5hr wait for my husband to get off work and drive the 1.5 hr drive to come rescue us with the spare keys, I can totally giggle with delight that it is FRIDAY!

So instead of doing what I'm supposed to be doing, like prepping Part 2 of the Trujillo Wedding, or responding to emails, I'm dumping you with some family lovin.

Follow You

2011-10-26T22:35:00.000-07:00

"Use my hands. Use my feet to make Your Kingdom come.
To the corners of the Earth, until Your work is done."

Sometimes I need to just learn to shhhhhh. To quiet my heart, quiet my mind, and stop speaking at God.

I so often forget how amazing He truly is because I'm too busy doing what I need to do to play my responsible part all the while constantly speaking words at Him asking Him for this or thanking Him for that. And when I forget His Wonders, I lose sight of Him. And when I lose sight of Him, I lose sight of what I was made to do.

You live among the least of these
The weary and the weak
And it would be a tragedy for me to turn away
All my needs you have supplied
When I was dead you gave me life
How could I not give it away so freely

I'll follow you into the homes of the broken.
I'll follow you into the world.
I'll meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God.
I'll follow you into the world

Use my hands, use my feet
To make your kingdom come
To the corners of the earth
until you work is done

Cause faith without works is dead
And on the cross your blood was shed
So how could we not give it away so freely

I'll follow you into the homes of the broken.
I'll follow you into the world.
I'll meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God.
I'll follow you into the world

I give all myself
I give all myself
I give all myself to you

Will you take a moment, and open your heart to hear the cries of this world. The hungry. The lonely. The heartbroken. The tortured. The enslaved. The abandoned. The broken. The sick. The Lost.

Amanda & Nathan / The Wedding :: Part 1

2011-10-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned for Part 2 later this week

*For older posts of our previous work visit our old blog www.starklovephotographyblog.com

Jhen.Stark / Lifestyle

2011-10-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I take so many pretty photos of other people, that I beg Jon to take some of me. And then I post them here.

Thrifting Thursday / A Peak Inside Our Abode

2011-10-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

Thrifting has become a major part of my free time. Scouring the local shops for clothes for little Joss, items for Stark Love's Vintage Event Design, or our own little needs or wants, has become a hobby of mine. Throw in pinterest ideas and this mama & entrepreneur is a busy one.

So every Thursday, I plan to share my finds, what I do with them, and tips or tricks for you to use when you thrift. I wanted to start out with my recent finds that I decided to use around our little living space. Reclaiming and recycling objects is one way we can save money, save the dump centers, and add just a little pretties into our lives.

Milk Glass vases and jars I found for a few dollars and a picture frame I found for $1. I replaced the picture with wrapping paper I loved, and turned it into a serving tray.

With a desperate need for cleaning, we got this chair for $15 and suitcase for $4- staple the under lining back into place and it's good as new

Cleaned with ammonia, a rag, and toothbrush, this chair is now happily serves our little girl, even though it was meant for me and daddy.

Using a cookie rack to separate the DVD player and the cable box allows the cable box to "breathe" and keep cool. The dresser was donated to us that we sanded, painted and changed the handles.

Pillow cases found at an Estate Sale, cleaned and ready to go (Jon isn't a fan of the feminine bedroom)

Sometimes, shopping at my mother-in-laws means I get finds like this amazing dresser

We're currently working on our entire collection of vintage items which we'll debut here on "Thrifting Thursday". With this little peak inside our home, you can see how some items can be repurposed around the home. Stay tuned next week for a glimpse inside Stark Love's Vintage Event Design's inventory.

Joss / Lifestyle

2011-10-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just can't get enough.

Stark Love Vintage Event Design

2011-10-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

Recently, Jon and I took on a new venture and made it the sister company of Stark Love Photography.

With our love for all things vintage, thrift, personal, and classic, we joined our previous collection, with the collection of Jon's mother, and added a few new items and decided to start Stark Love Vintage Event Design.

We were able to decorate our very first wedding early this month and working on capturing our entire inventory for an online gallery.

Our focus is to provide events the specific design of vintage eras. For more information, visit our website Vintage Event Design by Stark Love.

From the Heart of Stark Love

2011-10-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

I love that I am passionately pursued by a loving God.

The days before we left Arkansas and moved back to Southern California, Jon and I made a commitment to each other to work hard to not get caught back up in the life we had given up in the first place. We were certain we didn't want to lead a life chasing after things that only chained us down. We wanted to be Eternity minded.

But now that it has been almost two years since we've moved back, we're realizing that it was easier said then done.

Our whole desire with Stark Love Photography was to develop a passion into a life seeking after God. We weren't always certain how that would look, but we knew that was what we wanted. But as our work improved and our business started growing, we found ourselves back in the race after success, money, and the American Dream. And it's exhausting, heart breaking, and overwhelming.

Stark Love was meant for one purpose, to love on each other and people with our joy in photo taking all to express our love for God. And our greatest reveal to our commitment having been abandoned was specifically looking at the question "are we still loving?"

To answer that, I had to ask "what is love".

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

At first thought, I could say "yes, we're still loving." But when I replaced my name in front of each one, I found myself uneased by the truth.

Jhen is patient.

Jhen is kind.

Jhen does not envy.

Jhen does not boast.

Jhen is not proud.

Jhen is not rude.

Jhen is not self-seeking.

Jhen is not easily angered.

Jhen keeps no records of wrongs.

Jhen does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

Jhen always protects.

Jhen always trusts.

Jhen always hopes.

Jhen always perseveres.

If I took it even another step further and ended it with my husband;

Jhen is patient with Jon. Most of the time, no. I'm easily frustrated when he makes mistakes or doesn't put his pants away and leaves them on the floor by his side of the bed. Or when he doesn't close his dresser drawer after he's done.

Jhen is kind to Jon. I probably yell more often then I praise or encourage him.

Jhen does not envy Jon. I can probably cop to the fact that I do at times think that I should be the one working and getting out of the house, because I actually do enjoy work and sometimes I'll even accuse Jon of using work as a way to escape "home" because sometimes that is what I want.

Jhen does not boast to Jon. I often point out my achievements to Jon, both my past and present often in such a way to make me in some way better than him.

Jhen is not rude to Jon. Jon constantly points out that I roll my eyes at him. Sometimes I do it purposefully other times, I'm unaware, but the reality is that I'm disrespectful.

Jhen is not self-seeking with Jon. I'm constantly putting responsibilities on Jon because I just plain don't want to get up. I can easily guilt him into doing anything, from getting me a cup of water even though he just got settled into bed, or to change Joss' diaper because I'm too comfortable in my position on the couch in front of the tv.

Jhen is not easily angered with Jon. Well, that statement in itself can't be further from the truth. I really struggle with being so easily angered with the both of them.

Jhen keeps no records of wrongs against Jon. Sometimes I'll mentally point out a wrong I just felt Jon do to me so that the next time I can use it against him.

Jhen does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth of Jon. Sometimes I do encourage and even high five my husband when he wins his road rage fight on the freeway over another driver.

Jhen always protects Jon. I have at times spoken ill things of Jon to another person or didn't defend him when ill things were spoken of him.

Jhen always trusts Jon. I probably try to overrule Jon's decisions about our lives or business more times that I trust he knows what's best. I even have a hard time fully giving him the ability to shoot alone for a photo shoot, unsure if he'll produce what I think I can produce.

Jhen always hopes for Jon. I've admitted both to Jon and to God that I have allowed thoughts of things and people to replace Jon.

Jhen always perseveres. I had to keep Jon out of this one, since the truth is, I've given up on so many things in my life and sometimes, I've given up on Jon. The thought of quitting has occurred.

I would see that I'm actually a wretched person and wife in need of some serious forgiveness and life changes and I'm certainly due condemnation from anyone. I'm certain of the gasps and judgement towards me when reading this. If I can't even love my husband fully, how can I fully love anyone else. And if I can't love anyone else the way I'm supposed to, how on earth are we deserving of the title "Stark Love"?

But oh, this is where Grace, made perfect in the Blood of Christ covers me and compels me to dive deeper into allowing Him the ability to love perfectly through me.

I don't want to claim to be someone I am not. Hence why I went ahead and listed my reality. I'm truly a struggling sinner, but ONE WHO HAS BEEN SAVED and is commanded to love and to give it freely because it has been freely shown to me.

Stark Love Photography has lost it's sight on its purpose, goals, and passion. I have lost sight on our purpose, our goals, and our passion. Because at times, I have lost sight of Christ.

But I love that I am passionately pursued by a loving God wanting to bring me back to the life He knows I'm created to live. So Stark Love is working on turning our eyes back to Him. Stark Love is intently learning how to Love from here to Eternity

* This specific post was inspired by my time spent reading Francis Chan's, Crazy Love, and reading The Bible.

Long Luscious Locks / Lifestyle

2011-10-13T23:28:00.000-07:00

Photo by Jess Hekman Photography- text added by me

Well it is no more. I now have LONG LUSCIOUS locks thanks to my new favorite hairdresser! I thought my hair was dead beyond repair and that my only escape was to shave it off and start over. But after arriving in the salon, my rescuer gave it a good deep condition, treated my thick dead hair to some royalty treatment and snipped a little here and a lot there. Giving me the bounce, body and life I LOVE!

Knowing full well I was so in love that I was destined to blog about it, I begged and waited for the hubs to take some pics. But after two nights of him falling asleep while putting the little one down, I attempted to capture it myself... epic fail.

Yes, pretty pictures of me, but not fully capturing the amazing hair do I just want to brag about. Then, about 20 minutes into my self portrait attempts, he awoke for a bathroom break and I swooped for just a few pictures. So now I can SHOW IT OFF!

It smells healthy (so the hubby pointed out), feels healthy, and bounces healthily! I JUST LOVE IT!

Thank you Brittany for your amazing and mad skills at bringing my dead hair back to life!

Brittany is a salon hairdresser at Manhattan Full Service Salon

Jaclyn in 3 Frames

2011-10-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

it's kind of insane that she can pull off the look of her pajamas

The Hekman Family / Holiday Portraits

2011-10-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Recently, Jess of Jess Hekman Photography and I did a little photo swap. I had seen a photo floating around pinterest and wanted to mock up a session based around that photo. So we took a wednesday afternoon, dressed up our family and played pretty clients for each other. Her art of my family you can see here.

Jess has become a great friend and source of inspiration in our business.

Now, as for my work of art...

And I took a little profile photos for my photog friend and I think this mama looks great!

Trujillo Wedding / The Teaser

2011-10-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I wont spill too many details yet, since I've got much more to catch up on before I blog the full post of this couple, but we had an amazing weekend working both sides of Stark Love- the Vintage Event Decor side and the Photography side... it was INSANE.

But since it was such a beautiful event... I'll give you a few teasers for what is to come...

So Pinteresting

2011-10-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

Yes. I've totally given into pinterest. And it is exactly what everyone says it is. Addicting.

For about 5 years now, I have collected images from magazines that have inspired me and I've categorized them and placed them in specific binders.

I would pull a binder out depending on my need, browse through it, select an outfit, hairstyle, or party idea that I would want to use and recreate it as best as possible. And then they invented pinterest. A one stop shop. And it is lovely.

They Got Married

2011-10-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

Stark Love and From Here to Eternity did, that is.

This is it. This is us in transition, merging our photo blog with my personal blog. So I'm just going to have fun with it.

To kick it off right, we spent the weekend in Palm Springs in one heck of a vacation home along with our friends, and fellow photog, Kat Riley of Kathryn Riley Photography and a few of her family. She had a wedding to document this past weekend, and I got the amazing pleasure of second shooting for her.

I had never shot completely outside at night before and this upcoming weekend, Stark Love has a wedding needing just that kind of photography. So I worked the camera and made it happen. And I'm excited for the turn out.

A Photo for Kathryn Riley Photography's Wedding

On our way home, we stopped off at the Pumpkin Patch to let Joss' legs stretch. We didn't stay long but we're excited to dress up in fall clothing and head back [at least when it cools off].

There you have it folks. Our first post marrying Stark Love and From Here to Eternity. Oh, I think this will be a grand marriage indeed!

For Jon

2011-09-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I get too smart for my own good and I fill my head with a lot of knowledge while neglecting the love within my heart. Which always, without fail, leads me to an apology to someone somewhere.

My most recent one goes out to the one I apologize to the most.

Recently I've been noticing a lack of bond between Jon and I. He laughs and says "well I still feel it, so it must just be you." Which it probably is.

I find myself still in a slump since I last saw and kissed my boys goodbye. A slump that I probably haven't always been working too hard to get out of. A slump that has allowed my body to form a shape that begs for strangers to place their hand over my belly and ask when the baby is due [there is no baby, and its for certain]. A slump that has fed my tendency to be quick to anger and slow to patience. And a slump that has not had the desire to be the kind of wife I had committed to being.

Yes. Life happens. Things change. And I've found smart ways to justify my behavior. But my commitment to Jon does not, yet I've allowed it to fall off to the side.

I deeply love my husband. I deeply desire my husband. I deeply fail at choosing him each day over the slump most of you never see.

I've become quite good at being transparent. Always wanting people to see right through me, and to expose the honest thoughts, emotions, and choices. But as long as you are a safe distance away from me. See, I am horrible at being vulnerable. And that has made itself so evident in my marriage.

I have this deep trust that Jon wont leave me. I know he will always choose me. Even if, and no matter what. But sometimes, I know he sees how much I've changed. I know he sees how my heartbreak has slowly eaten away at my self confidence. I know he sees that I have stopped taken care of myself. And I know that its affecting him.

But I threw in a new commitment the day I apologized [again] to him. I asked for his forgiveness and I committed to investing in him. Which means nights of going to bed when he goes to bed [apparently some men appreciate that more than we think] and getting up when he gets up [even if I'll go right back to bed when he leaves for work]. It means quickly acknowledging when my tone with him was out of line. It means believing in him so much that I want to compliment him as a wife standing by his side.

See, I am so far from getting things right. But with each morning coffee date and The Unit on tv for our 6am wake up call, I'm that much closer to making it right.

Consolidate

2011-09-27T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've been completely torn in whether or not to consolidate my blogs into one. I have such deep feelings for From Here to Eternity, but it has fallen wayside to all the other commitments I've made. So I'm taking the plunge and merging our this blog and Stark Love blog. But have no fear, I think it will be bigger and better than ever before.

We've been happily spending our days meeting new people, starting new business ventures, enjoying more time together on the couch catching in the seasons tv shows (shout out to Big Bang Theory and Up All Night) and constantly picking up after the mess of the storm which we call Josselyn. And from this point on we'll document out daily happenings, my deep thoughts and all the pretty photos of people we'll take in between RIGHT HERE.

While doing my research on the move, I discovered that some of my favorite bloggers share their space. It can be done. And here, it will be done. So the old Jhen you've come to read and follow will be coming back, just bring Jon and all our pictures with me.

Which means BIG CHANGES are coming. Stay tuned...

Jossie and the Winner

2011-09-23T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is Jossie mad at me for completely forgetting about the MyMemories Giveaway winner (probably means I wont be doing more giveaways).

But, we have a winner NONE-THE-LESS. So, drum roll please...

Congrats Kristi, an email is coming your way.

Hope the rest of you are having an amazing first day of Fall!!! I've been incredibly distracted although my head is full of thoughts that need to go here. So one day I'll slip away and meet you back here! One day soon!

They Say

2011-09-16T17:41:00.000-07:00

I love the moments when complete strangers stop me and say, "You're daughter is just beautiful." I give them the biggest grin and my most sincerest thanks, because I believe them.

I've committed to my little one, more undivided attention. Something I didn't always give her a lot of. And the more I spend time with her and the more I learn her quirks, spunk, and personality the more I see her beauty radiate beyond those big brown eyes. Because she has a sweet gentle heart.

She's delicate and I enjoy nursing it and watching her spunk coincide with her exquisite sense of her girlness.

They say she's beautiful. I believe so.

Happenings

2011-09-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

This mornings coffee tastes so good. So because of that, I felt the urge to purge out our family's recent happenings... so enjoy the dump.

Taking Tons and Tons of photos making our entire fall season almost completely booked (something we praise God for)!

And lastly, we've been working our little booties off to get Stark Love launched on the internet as well as introduce the new "sister company". So check us out.

Let's Digitally Design with a Giveaway...

2011-09-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

In case you've been curious to what I've been up to, I've been google hunting new digital websites that offer kits of elements and graphics to update my blog, personalize my soon to be released website, and dabble in holiday card designs. So imagine my delight when I discovered mymemories.com.

Personally I don't scrapbook, either with tangible images or digital. But you might be wondering how I get a lot of my graphics, designs, and digital trinkets to decorate my blog. Or maybe you're wondering how websites have those pretty elements to decorate their site. We'll, truth be told there are multiple ways, but one of the most convenient ways is to take graphics or elements from digital scrapbooking kits and create your own design.

But here's the tricky part. You need an editing software in order to pull it all together. And most free online softwares don't offer the easy use of digital kits. So guess what?! MyMemories has a software, that although is most commonly used for Digital Scrapbookers, users like you and I can create all kinds of images and designs with all the kinds of graphics. So that is what you can win!

One of my readers will win the My Memories Suite Software

[used to create digital scrapbooks, cards, calendars, etc. without having to buy expensive programs and then learn how to use the software]

My Memories Suite is rated #1 by amazon and TopTen Reviews for digital scrapbooking software.

\\ HOW YOU CAN WIN //

[These entries are mandatory to be considered]

Simply leave me a comment below telling me

1. What you would do with My Memories Suite Software

2. Go to Mymemories.com and tell my your favorite digital kit [mine is Tea Time]

This little one really thinks you should enter...

[Image created using just the basic free tools from the MyMemories Suite Software]

Taking Risks

2011-09-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

The things I dreamed about are far from where I am at today. And some days I sulk in petty selfishness, while most days I'm excited for all the adventures my mind couldn't even fathom.

We're continuing to take risks as a little family. Constantly. And some of them are frowned upon. All of them judged in some way or another. And some of our risks probably weren't our most proudest moments, but soon we're about to launch another big risk.

I've come up with a lot of random ideas. I've jumped from school to school to school unable to pin point something I'm good at and love at the same time. I've brought Jon proposals upon proposals of business ideas that he just knows I'll never follow through with. And only two have passed his 'belief in" phase. One of them being photography, the other, this new venture.

So these next few months are going to be a little intimidating. But so much fun! I wont share what it is until our website is finished, but... it does include all things vintage and thrift. OH SO FUN!

So since I left you in suspense, I'll soften it with my little tea cup who's looking more and more like a 2year old!

A Virtual Hang With Amber's Articles

2011-08-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Today, my friends, if you were with me, you would find me in my sweats probably crafting along with the little one, but in the virtual world, you will find me chit chatting it over at Amber's Articles!

She actually has an awesome line-up of other bloggers who shared a piece of their Faith Journey, which she's linked them all at the end of my post. Definitely check them out!

So as those Little Einsteiners are singing their tunes in the background and my little one practices her 'no's' and 'nah-uhs' I'm off to chase her around.

Beautiful Things

2011-08-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

I try my best to be removed from circumstances around me, while at the same time fully ready to give my all if need be.

My radars are always up when I'm out in public for the cries, the scoldings or the little signals that might indicate a child in need of protection. I purposefully park far in the parking lot of stores so that I can take my time and check around for children left in cars or families needing assistance. I'm no saint, trust me, if you live and see what I see, you would do the same thing to. And quite often, my radars lead me to exactly the situations I keep an eye out for.

Before we worked at the Ranch, my passion was only for children, but after seeing the boys I cared for come from the life that they did and still so badly desire their moms and dads, I realized, what is really in the best interest of children is to provide restoration for their families.

(Let me just stop here and make a statement: I'm FOR adoption. I'm FOR fostering. I'm for rescuing children from the situations they are in. I realize that there are many times children cannot and should not go back with their families, but...)

If we could be a community that builds up families before they get to a point, or provide alternatives, or reach out because everyone is broken in some way or another, restoration might be easier than we think. And I'm not thinking a community of government programs, I'm referring to a community of individuals investing purposefully in the lives of families, especially those headed towards a certain fate.

I was walking through the Salvation Army thrift store yesterday and from across the store I could hear a loud cry come from such a little one. Although my first thought was one of judgement, I decided to ignore it. But the cry continued, so I decided to sneakily investigate. At the front of the store a little boy looking disheveled and shirtless was crying in his young mother's lap with blood all over his finger. She looked panicked more so because of the disturbance she feared her son was causing.

As she tried to hurry out the door, I caught a moment that had my heart crying and singing for joy. She was rocking her little boy and kissing him all over.

I had previously questioned the situation, curious to know if the crying boy would get the reassurance and cuddles most moms would give their itty bitties in pain. I'm being honest despite the possible thoughts you might be having of me now. I had judged the young mama and put her in the category of other moms I've witnessed ignore, abuse or neglect their little ones.

But I was so gratefully wrong. She loved on him. She kissed him. And he got what all little ones crave. It was a beautiful thing. And it got my heart thinking of all the little ones that go without.

So I applaud foster parents. I applaud families that adopt. I applaud each and every one of you who love selflessly and deeply on your little ones. And for those of you that give a little more and cheer on and extend grace to the broken mamas and dadas who so desperately need to get their act together while we temporarily love on their littles ones, I bow down in gratitude.

It was a beautiful moment in that Salvation Army store that brought me back to exactly why my heart was created to beat. It's easy to silence a passion by filling it with noise of my favorite tv shows, the beggings of pinterest, or the status updates of facebook.

But I was created for so much more. I breathe to exist beyond myself.

So as we continue to live with the fight to protect and defend innocent children, we're careful to keep our hearts open and sensitive to the mothers and fathers, because we have no idea the path they walked or the lives they've lived.

*I fully understand that there are situations that are not as they appear. I realize that although a child might be sounding like they are in need, might not actually be the case, so I am careful to the situations I encounter as I have been in situations that have appeared one way, but are indeed not what it seemed.

The Places She'll Go

2011-08-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

With no end in sight, this girl has places to go, people to meet, and a world to take on. It seemed like just yesterday I was watching her lie on her tummy thinking "oh the day she'll crawl", and today all I see is her backside and she's constantly running away from me.

This girl has her sights set on what is ahead, but every so often I'll see her look back to make sure we're right there behind her.

I'd like to think that we're an adventurous family. I really would. But every time I get in the car, scenarios run through my head and I begin to worry about what would happen to Josselyn if she was the only survivor. Real scenarios some families have faced. And I find myself mentally wanting to scoop her up and retreat to our cozy corner in our home. It always sounds splendid at the time, but that just isn't who we are. That isn't who she is.

She's a risk taker. A boo boo maker. And sometimes, a little cry faker. But she's one heck of a bundle that I can't get enough of.

So in those seconds, I question our safety, her future and my Trust in Christ, I'm reminded that even if it does happen, there is something so good to come of her life, whether I'm in it or not. Her future is so intricately ready to be played out in such a way that I can't even dream of. So as she rides ahead I embrace supporting her, encouraging her, and coaching her on even if that means that sometimes, I'll be watching from behind.

My Little One

2011-08-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

My little one likes to sing... And LOUD!

My Little One likes to play...And hide.

My Little One is getting big and her beauty continues to put this mama in awe.

I just love this Little One. Just LOVE HER!

Making Home

2011-08-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

If you've been following this blog for a while now, you probably know that after moving back to Cali from out of State, we've been living with my parents. And we've been here FAR longer than I planned. So when plan after plan of moving out went differently, we found ourselves still humbly (yet pleasantly) still in the spare rooms at my parents.

Recently, Jon and I have really felt the passion to go into photography and ministry FULL time. Doors continue to open that lead us further and further into this passion that we're learning to patiently wait on the Lord and no longer on our own plans. So although we continue to do our best and work our hardest, we're waiting for the green light to go FULL time and move into a home our little family can embrace.

[that would be Sweet Tea, not beer]

For now, we make these two guest bedrooms home. So I've been utilizing those home decorating books I purchased YEARS ago back when we were in the house buying stage. And in making it home, an overflow of support has filled in the empty pieces. After donating a lot of our home items, we had very little to make a home. Which was perfectly 'ok' by us. Yet friends wanted to help us out. So a few weeks ago I got a text from my dearest friend letting me know that she found a couch she was certain I would love... and its FREE. So days later, Jon and I headed out to pick it up. We eventually transformed one of those guest rooms into a living room... so here's our little abode.

While my spare time gets filled with going through wedding websites and magazines helping my sister plan her dream Australian wedding, I get further and further away from time here on this blog. So you'll probably be seeing more random posts like these. Fun, right?!

Oh, yes, who doesn't want to end a random post about our little bedroom turned living room with one of these photos?

__________AND__________

Our Uprinting winner is....

Katie from Given to Love

Katie, you have an email coming your way!

Business Cards: A Giveaway

2011-08-10T07:38:00.000-07:00

As Jon and I have been working on developing our branding and packaging for Stark Love, we've been on the lookout for companies and business that could provide us exactly what we need at the price we can afford.

So when the opportunity came up to give away Uprinting Business Cards, I had to learn more about the company to see ALL that it offers [and wow, it offers a lot]! So I had to take the chance to give you, the readers the chance to win 250 Business Cards!

Here's the Details:

YOU COULD WIN:

250 pcs Die Cut Business Cards for one winner

2 x 3.5" Rounded Corners, 2x2" Rounded Corners, 1.75x3.5" Rounded Corners, 2x3.5" Leaf, 2x3.5 Rounded one corner, 2x3.5" Half Circle Side, 2x3.5" Oval, 2.5" Circle

14pt Cardstock Gloss / Matte / High Gloss (UV), or 13pt Cardstock Uncoated,

6 Business Days Turnaround *Free shipping

About a $47.00 value

Restriction: Limited to *US residents 18 years old and above only.

So how can you win?

Mandatory:

Go "Like" Uprinting.com on Facebook [click the word "Facebook" to be directed to their account]
Leave a comment below telling me what you would do with these Die Cut Business Cards [*note, if your comment is not linked to an email address, you must provide your return email or contact info, otherwise your entry will be disqualified]

Additional Entry:

Tweet about this giveaway linking @Jhen_FHTEblog and @Uprinting

Winner will be announced MONDAY, August 15th

There you have it friends! One amazing giveaway that any business owner wouldn't want to turn down!

**This business card printing giveaway is sponsored by UPrinting, no monetary compensation was given for hosting. For more information about online printing companies, please visit UPrinting.com.**

Sweet Humble Pie

2011-08-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

I had a sweet taste of humble pie this weekend. One that did this soul of mine some serious good.

Jon and I photographed an event this past Saturday that brought in Worship bands and Pastor & Pro Skateboarder, Christian Hosoi, as they worked to impact and reach the local community. It was definitely going to be a challenge for our photography skills, but a challenged we welcomed.

As I was making my rounds around the event before it started, I smiled at a mother saying goodbye to her young daughter as she dropped her off at the front entrance. The girl was young looking with long straight black hair. I could only see her from the back and I was ready to greet her with a big hello and when she turned around I was stunned.

Her face was drastically different than what I was expecting. It's hard to describe. In the moment I was actually scared stiff and I felt like I had jumped outside of my body. I wasn't sure if my face showed my inner reaction, and I pray it didn't. The next thing I remember is slipping her a quick smile and "hello" and continued walking my route.

I don't think I could fully describe her face, nor do I think I want to try.

I watched her through the evening as younger girls stared at her. And crowds of older kids would try to avoid her. She couldn't speak because her mouth was permanently formed wide open, so although she could hear perfectly well, she signed in order to communicate.

As one of the worship bands encouraged the crowd of people to come towards the front of the stage everyone ran forward and jumped and danced along with the music. I stood at the corner of the stage to capture the faces, reactions, and joy as everyone moved their hands and bodies and shouted out the lyrics. And as I continued to move my camera, I could see through the view finder her face.

She had her eyes closed and her hands way up in the air and she was jumping. She was smack dab in the front of the crowd and although she was unable to smile, she radiated a joy! I couldn't help but smile at the sight and think "now that's real beauty!"

I continued to have this girl on my mind the entire weekend. And as I was showering today, it hit me. There's no such thing as "bad fruit" when it comes to people. Well, now duh Jhen! Of course we know that. Of course I know that.

But in this young girl's face, I'm finally able to believe it. Our culture would quickly label her, limit her, and do anything in its power to define her. But after having had thoughts I posted in my last post, I've come to ask myself, "how could I?"

Here she was, unashamed and dancing before her Jesus. As people labeled as "normal" stood in the back afraid of what their peers might think of them, she was in the front dancing, jumping, and I'm certain, singing the most beautiful song of praise in her heart. Nothing was holding her back from what she felt moved to do. And then there is me. Venting a little about feeling like a bad fruit in a grocery aisle of good photographers.

I have a lot to work on when it comes to how I process things. A lot to let go of when it comes to seeing life full of possibilities. And as this girl unknowingly served me a piece of humble pie, I find myself asking Jesus to break me down and build me up into a much more beautiful soul willing to serve in a confidence that makes me want to dance, to jump, to photograph and to live with such a zest that when even though the world my label me a bad fruit, my flavors taste of a sweetness and my soul radiates a joy that nothing can hinder.

I know that she may have a life that I might play no part in, but in my life, she has allowed me to see that there is no such thing as a bad fruit no one will buy, and that ultimately in the end, each one of us have already been purchased by Christ. And that is one heck of a good piece of pie.

Stark Love Photography

*She allowed me to photograph her for the event, and these photos have me moved to tears of peace, but I wont exploit her on this blog, so her picture has not been displayed.*

Bad Fruit Nobody Buys

2011-08-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

I recently read this post and I seriously felt like this is exactly what she would tell me if we were chatting over coffee about how I feel about photography.

I try to not express too much of how I feel about photography, since I don't want my clients to get a misunderstanding of me and my business, but in this case, this is me. Real thoughts from me.

Sometimes I will look at a photographer's work and just feel like I should just give up.

Right after I read this post, I was on facebook and on my newsfeed, clicked on one of the photogs I follow and read their comment list. Should never have done that. He was dropping all the amazing high end lenses he had recently purchased as well as another camera upgrade. Good for him. He worked hard. But for me all I could do was sit and compare.

I don't own a single pro level lens. Not one. And up until now, we were fully surviving off of a Nikon D5000 and a Nikon D40- which are great cameras that now many people can access removing their need for me. We worked hard to constantly learn and develop our love for photography. And a lot of times I would be able to just shrug my shoulders and say "well then we must be good if we can use these lower models and still produce."

But sometimes, just sometimes, I honestly feel like I'm that bad fruit nobody will buy, and just as Missy Higgins sings "I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys, tell me did you think we'd all be the same." Lyrics that I just burst into singing, especially if I'm in the shower.

I know we're good. Always wanting to learn. Always accepting that there is room for improvement. But sometimes I just feel like we'll never get there. Not to a place of stardom, but to a place were our business could get us into a career we fully enjoy and thrive in.

So what am I learning from this:

1. Stop browsing through photogs who I mostly feel defeated by instead of inspired by.

2. Seek the face of Jesus and not the acceptance of man. I need to remember that my investment needs to continue to be in Eternity and not in Stark Love Photography.

3. Just press on.

I didn't ramble on for comments of praise. In fact, I was tempted to turn off comments for this post just so I wouldn't be begging for a "ah Jhen, pick your chin up, you're an amazing photographer." Although I do love those comments, I decided to keep the comments open because I'm sure there are many of you who might feel the same and want someone to process these thoughts with out loud as I did.

Often times, something we love and feel very passionate about pursuing is taken down by discontentment, greed, and selfishness, while other times, just plain feeding into insecurities can be the very thing that will destroy the very thing we love to do.

"He Chooses Me" and a whole lot of other good stuff!

2011-08-01T07:08:00.000-07:00

We retreated up to the mountain this weekend for a moment to be together, celebrate our relationship, and tune ourselves back into God's melody.

I've been finding myself feeling so numb and going through the daily motions, and I wanted a quiet moment with Jon. The rain clouds were rolling in, so our plans to kayak and picnic were cut short to a hike up into Forest Falls and a picnic in the trees. It was actually quite magnificent.

There are a lot of things in this life I have to be grateful for, Jon being my biggest "thanks". That man has stood by my side through some of the craziest, immature, and down right wrong decisions I have ever made, and he has pushed me to correct them, forgive them, and learn from them. He is someone I'm safe with. Someone who seeks to protect me. Love me. Cherish me. And be with me till our days here on earth are over.

And in a world where everything tries to tear our deep love and trust apart, he chooses me each time.

I can't help but get excited about where we get to go in our lives together, what we'll get to do, and who we'll get to serve along the way. Because with Jon at my side, I'm one heck of a lucky woman!

__________________________and__________________________

You can find me guest posting over at Monster Cakes today talking about what "My Summer Looks Like".

__________________________and__________________________
I strongly incourage ya'll to check out this new Blog- Compassion's Cry. It all started by one email by a younger blogger far mature for her age, and after months of skype meetings, research and lots of love into it, a new project is born. I have a write up for it tomorrow, but today, just go check it out!

2011-07-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

"From Here to Eternity"

2011-07-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a little nostalgic recently. And I know exactly why.

That girl is my sister. That boy is my soon-to-be-brother in law.

And January 2012 these two will marry.

All the while, we're photographing couples like these two...

Who just did get married.

So why is this making me feel a little, well, nostalgic? Because TODAY is My Four Year Anniversary to the one who I chose and the one I continue to choose every.single.day.

And four years ago we sealed the deal. It was then we promised, "From here to eternity..."

Off to Grandmas

2011-07-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Part of me is posting this to document such a monumental moment. Part of me is posting, if I'm honest with myself and you, because I know there will be comments and I could use a few "mommy-good-ones". So, that's a hint hint to you.

Today I packed up my little girl and all her things to head over to grandmas. Without me. Typically, I drive her over there, drop her off and runs some errands or head to photo shoots, but today, Grandma came and got her while I sit here and [supposed to be] prep for the two weddings we get the pleasure of photographing this weekend.

Today my little baby took one more step into little girlhood.

I'm excited that she loves her grandma so much that she didn't cry when I said bye, but so much of me is sad that she didn't cry for me. I miss her and she just left.

This Mama's Heart

2011-07-19T14:00:00.000-07:00

We went to a birthday party to photograph and celebrate our friend's daughters' birthday. It was a joint celebration for both their girls, and we had so much fun. It was our first birthday party with Joss being actually of an age to comprehend what is going on. And the experience really got this mama's heart feeling for the future.

I saw her mostly playing by herself. She would stand on the sidelines, watching the other kids play, then contently make her way to the older teenagers and spent most of her time with them (teenagers she still wasn't familiar with, but felt most comfortable with).

This is probably typical behavior for a 19 month old, so I am not too worried, but it got me thinking about my own past, and the a little fear swept over me: "What if the kids wont like her?" "What if she wont have any friends?" "What if she will know lonely far too intimately?"

Naturally I want to scoop her up and rescue her. Reaffirm her. And protect her. Naturally I want her to easily navigate her way through a group of kids and feel confident. Naturally I want her to be loved.

I know that wont necessarily be the case. I know that popularity and the need for friends isn't what drives our hearts. But I pray that she'll never know lonesome too well.

The Stark Love Bag

2011-07-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of it? No? Probably not. Why? Well because there is only 1 made ever, and it's mine.

I only had the small individual camera bag that was in Walmart's discount section and it served me well as I was trying to start out. But as the business grows, so does my equipment. And it's getting Wedding Season and we're excited that we have some serious weddings booked. So I needed a bag that I could use to hold multiple gear but I can't afford to purchase the nice bags they have out there, and with my unlucky streak, I never won a giveaway... But not to fret... I just had to make one.

Let me first state that I am far from crafty. I can't sew. I know very little about making things. But I improvised and decided to share with you, all you other NON creative people with a budget, a simple way to make a camera bag. So bare with me...

I wanted a bag with bones that could safely frame my camera gear, and that had the multiple strap options. I scored with this Calvin Klein bag from Ross.... you'll never guess how much?!?

I try to use as many materials from home. Reuse, Repurpose, Recycle. The batting was spare that my parents used to redo their dining room chairs. The fabric was clearance pieces that I had picked up and well, the glue and scissors I found lying around in craft box in my mother's collection. But I know you can find this stuff incredibly affordable at craft stores. Anyway, there are some steps I missed capturing on camera, but you can get the gist...

I took the batting and folded it in layers to be thick enough for a safe cushion. I cut it to size of the bag, with a lot of testing it inside the bag to make sure it would line the inside of the bag just right.

Then, I got fabric and covered the batting. I used fabric glue since I have NO IDEA how to sew. Plus, it was less time ;)

I decided I didn't want to PERMANENTLY turn this purse into a camera bag, so I had to find a way to make the "padding" removable. SO I USED VELCRO PATCHES.

I attached 4 Velcro patches at the top of each sides and I attached the padding to the purse (so that in the future when I win a Kelly Moore bag, I can just have this as a purse).

This being the end result of what the padding looks like inside the purse. It isn't that fancy. Not professional, but it does the job quite well!!!

Then I did the same padding and wrapped the fabric around a smaller piece to make the padding that separates the gear.

This being what the final result would look like. There is plenty of room for my flash and another lens, but with a toddler taking my gear and running, I gave up and just photographed this shot.

In the end, the bag looks firm and fancy. I'm excited to start using it for all the fun weddings and sessions we have coming up! I'm so excited.

Look! Even the Jossie likes it!

I know it's nothing too special. But for this mama working hard to get her little business off the ground and look professional doing it, this bag just boosted my spirits!

"My Blog, Your Blog" Fix

2011-07-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

In a response to my last post, I want to make it clear since I didn't in the post itself.

I am not saying that any of you or your blog are shallow. I'm saying that I thought my blog needed to be a certain way in order for me to be REAL. And I, if I admit honestly, would look at your posts and categorize you as a certain kind of person. And I'm so sorry for that. Because your blog is your creative outlet, not who you are, and I wasn't getting that.

What I meant in my last post is that I was correcting my ways of blogging, but I don't think you need to correct yours. In fact, I read and enjoy many of yours immensely! And your privacy isn't compared to my privacy. What you share is beneficial to so many! SO SO MANY! I was stating what I needed to do and I'm sorry if I came across as implying that you all NEED to do it to.

This is just how I'm feeling, this is how I'm correcting myself, because if ya'll saw my day to day, you'd agree that I would need to correct it. :)

So. Please forgive my misunderstanding and possible mix up of communicating my words.

Happy Blogging to you all!

My Blog, Your Blog

2011-07-12T11:33:00.000-07:00

I've recently been flirting with the idea of saying "goodbye" to this blog of mine. And the acceptance that life will be just as full, if not fuller without it has been quite freeing.

My biggest investment to this blog as been my vulnerability, my honesty, and my story. And it has really helped me process a lot that my mind has been going through, but now, I think I'm done. I feel like I've grown enough now where I can embrace a quiet little life, that has no outlet for others to peer into.

Basically, I've come to desire intimacy and privacy. This blog has represented me, but it has never defined me, though at times I thought it did.

I'm ready to acknowledge that just because I don't publish it here, doesn't mean that it is less important to me.

There is a lot my family is invested in. And a lot that I desire to remain special between us. There are a lot of things that my family is ready to dive into head first, but keep private. I'm ready to transition into hopefully a more intimate person.

So I thought it would mean that this is the end...

But I don't think it is. I'm ready for this blog to be a fun passing outlet for me. Something that doesn't take my time by investing, building, and creating, but instead use at my leisure and acknowledge that if I want to post an updo post, it doesn't make me any less involved in Social Justice issues as the next person.

My blog or your blog doesn't define who we are. I've come to accept that just because you might post light, fun, silly, or sometimes shallow posts, doesn't mean that that is who YOU are as a person. This blog is just a piece at things I think or are interested in, not who I am. And I realize that means it isn't who you are.

So I'm done seeing this blog for more than what it is.

Which might mean less posts, but that's a good thing, right?! Because the silence for me here, means more life out there.

Summer Freedom

2011-07-06T05:30:00.000-07:00

She is sick with a fever now. And as her little body fights whatever infection that's trying to take over, she lays there silent, aching, and fast asleep.

But her days aren't always like this. Her days are filled with Sunshine, Laughter, and every bit of mommy trying to capture it. She reads. She plays. She sings. She dances. She's a baby turned little girl and her heart is ready to flaunt it. She is my little girl.

And each Summer, she has days filled with Red, White and Blue, where hot dogs, fireworks, and good ol' fashion picnics make some of the tough things in life disappear for just a moment.

Summer has brought out the sunshine in her. The kind that radiates more than just a light, but that radiates a beauty so stunningly designed from her little button nose to her edible toes. Summer exposed a glimpse at the woman she will become.

And Summer will teach her an appreciation for her Country. Because we are free...

And while there are millions still yet to discover a freedom that not even this Country can try to define, we will spend the rest of our days Thankful for the freedom we have and strive for the Freedom for others.

And Summer touched not just the skin of a little soul, but a growing soul that still tenderly strives to understand more of a Love she's been gifted to embrace and share. This Summer has more in store for me than any Summer before, but as it began with a thankful heart for the lives that granted me Freedom, it continues on with the fight to free other's from a bond that my own words can't do justice.

So yes, I'll take the pretty Summer days with my little one, while striving hard to never forget those who were before me, those around me now, and those who have yet to come.

A Community

2011-07-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

And they say blogging is a bunch of bologna! I say fooey!

In August of this year, I'll make the trek to Thailand as a photographer with Ember Ink (not familiar, go check them out). The purpose of this trip is to be the sole resource for local organizations to use to create media resources to create awareness on the global issue of Sex Trafficking. I really can't share too many details because it is a sensitive trip, and for the sake of relief workers as well as our own team's safety, I have to limit what I share.

But the point of the trip is to be the first part to many parts on creating awareness as well as providing others ways to get involved. I'm a part of the media team producing info, photos, videos and all the like on the actual field work (while being incredibly sensitive to victims, it is our absolute goal to exploit no one for our own creative gain).

One blogger, who I'm friends with on Facebook, saw an ad I placed for a local fundraiser I'm doing. Granted, being an east coast girl, she isn't able to participate in this So Cal fundraiser, but she felt pressed to help anyway... and this is what she did:

As a Scentsy consultant and blogger from Skinned Knees, Christy offered to open up an online Scentsy shop with 20% of the proceeds going towards helping to fund my trip this August.

Let me tell you... I.WAS.HUMBLED.

A woman I have never met. A woman who's heart I've only read about. A woman who believes in Community. A woman who believes in me.

So, I'm here to tell you about it! Check out Christy's Scentsy store (Click the picture below):

I'm so grateful for Christy and her heart to serve as well as share in the Community we believe in! THANK YOU CHRISTY!

If you are specifically interested to find out more about this trip or how you can help, email me at jhen.stark@gmail.com.

Guess What We Did

2011-06-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

We only gave her bangs, and her hair is in a pony tail... but our baby girl is looking less and less baby.

Born to Mother

2011-06-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

It's a natural attachment that I love to nurture. She's fallen hard for their faces and expresses a love for them that I believe expresses the heart she was created to have.

She was born with the desire to mother.

She cuddles them. Pats their backs as she holds them close to her shoulder. She knows them by name.

All photos posted were taken by Benham Photographers

I always said I wanted 12 kids. And I still do. But what I want has been broken down and restored to say "I want endless." Not quite Duggar Style, but endless. Biological. Adopted. Fostered. Or just born in my heart. Endless.

And that desire to love on children I see shine brighter in my little one. And even though playing with dolls is a natural developmental stage for little girls, I see her embrace it as if they were real. I see her concern when she is cold, because to her, they are cold too. I see her face scrunch in a frown when she senses that they are hurting.

She's expressing her love for them. Each and every one.

She is meant to love in ways far greater than I can comprehend. She is meant to be someone special in the hearts of many. And even if her name never gets famous or her face recognized from a crowd, I know that she was created for something great.

__________OH, Wait__________

Oh, and friends, before I go, I'm over at Kel's blog, Then There Were 5, today! She's asked me to write something that is incredibly personal and incredibly important and I'm humbled that she thought my response to her interest would be of worth! So I would LOVE it if you checked her out, because even without me, she's SO WORTH IT!

__________AND__________

Remember seeing those links at the bottom of my posts? Well, they'll be coming back soon. Real soon.

My Very Best

2011-06-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

I stood in front of my closet eyeing the items of clothing I was going to donate to my grandparents in the Philippines to donate to the community. I processed the items of clothing I don't wear and don't really like and began to slip them off the hanger to create a pile.

The pile began to grow bigger. And bigger. Finally I was finished and I had an entire trash bag of clothes I realized I didn't wear or want. And I felt proud. I felt accomplished. And then I felt God...

"Give me your best."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Give me your best." He pressed harder on my heart.

This wasn't an audible conversation. It was a deep push in my heart to do something that if done on my own prideful accord I wouldn't have easily felt satisfied with my bag of unwanted clothes and felt like I had done "good."

"Give me your best."

I didn't want to do it. NOT ONE BIT. I had left my prettiest, favorite, and best items of clothes that I felt would leave me satisfied in my every day upkeep of maintaining America's fashion image. I left my very best to myself and gave away the easy unwanted.

So I sat on the edge of my bed looking into my closet.

"Ok God, if that is what you want, you have got to help me do it, because you can obviously tell, I really love these clothes."

And as I slowly made my way back to my closet, I asked my husband to be by my side to help me. To process each item and toss them into the pile, and to say "For this, God, I give you my best."

It's not an easy task. And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.

I recently joined Jennifer at The Blair Affairs on her project to discover a little bit more of what we actually don't need in our closet by not purchasing an item of clothing for 9 months. This project is shared as "The Difference Project". And it is a hard project indeed. It's not an easy task.

But as I continued through this project, God pressed it on my heart to go further.

So I am. And continue to. But let me reiterate a previous statement:

It's not an easy task. And it is a task that deserves no praise or accolade.

I don't deserve to boast. If my heart and mind were exposed for the world to see as I go through it, you would see a heart that is struggling. A heart that will try to argue for each item, each choice in order to protect it's selfish desires. You would see a very tainted heart.

So I deserve nothing. But through it, I get so much. Even though this is a hard process and even though it is a battle against the culture I live in that demands prettier, nicer, fancier, wealthier things, I'm resting in Freedom. And in that freedom, I'm discovering a joy in giving away my very best so that He can have IT ALL.

And I pray that my heart will continue to strive to give more, to love less things, and to embrace His Heart so that my sacrifice will be of worth.

Two Love Birds...

2011-06-22T12:43:00.000-07:00

I'm passionate, but I'm not too mushy. It makes my insides well up, I screech a high pitch sound, and I feel utterly uncomfortable.

But sometimes, things are just too emotional and I become a big sap.

But then there are times that are so deep with emotion that only my heart can hold it, treasure it, and value it for what it is. And although my face says very little, my hearts speaks it with a million melodies. And that time happened today.

Today, the little boy who drove me nuts and pushed my limits as a kid, who was my roommate for 6 months before I moved out of home and into one with my husband, who can make me laugh harder than anyone other than Jon yet cry harder than anyone other than Jon, who argues every word literally it drives me mad, and who I call brother, stepped into the shoes that are making him leader of his home as he took his bride and started the adventure of building their own family. Their own home.

Today my brother, Jimmy, and Sis in Love, Jen, flew to Alaska for their base where they will get to go house hunting, buy necessary items we don't ever think about but always seem to use (like a spatula), decorate their space, fight over bills, go to bed mad, but wake up and make up, and make a home where HE gets to be in CHARGE and SHE gets to RUN IT. Or vice versa. Whatever.

They will be missed, but I can't even grasp my own excitement for them as they get to fly away and make a nest. And even though their little niece is walking around looking for her uncle who will play her guitar or auntie who will chase her with her camera, she knows how truly she's loved by them. And she'll miss the bond and relationship she had with her Auntie and Uncle, but I promise to remind her over and over again about the time she had with them.

To read more about their new adventures in Alaska, follow her writings and pretty pictures (because although I took this images, it was her camera gear that did most of the work) by visiting her blog, JenHammer.com. To Airman Hammer and his beautiful bride, Jen, I love you and happy HOME MAKING!

Let's Hear it For the Chins

2011-06-21T20:45:00.000-07:00

Let me interrupt my silence while I'm remodeling and tune you into this...

Glorious isn't it? Purely Glorious!

We're Off...

2011-06-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll!

We're up in Northern Cali this weekend for a Filipino Family Reunion (yes, I'm half flip).

So we'll be back down with stories to tell, photos to share and a whole new blog design (currently I have blog design creativity up the wazoo thanks to my lack of expressing it elsewhere).

So enjoy your weekend. Be Safe, and Rock it like it's 1986!

__________BE:Active__________

Ask The Husband: The Answers

2011-06-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

So are you ready for a little bit into the mind of my husband? Well, with the questions we got, he answered honestly. And for me, someone who knows him in and out, listening to him answer the questions was quite hilarious.

1. When will you be moving closer to the Knight family? Hahaha. Did you not get the memo that we're moving up there this weekend? Ok, no. More like when the weather is exactly like California.

2. What is your view point on your wife being a stay at home mom, or not being one? Are there days that you resent having to provide for the family all on your own? I like it and that's what I want. I prefer her to be home, but more of her being off the computer and more time with Jossie. And no, I don't have days where I resent it. It's just built in me, I guess. I've excepted that in Genesis I'm destined that "by the sweat of my brow" I'll get my food. Basically, I know I'm meant to work.

3. Are there any topics you have told her to not put on her blog? Not necessarily topics but definitely pictures. No pictures of our little girl with her shirt off. There's a bunch of creepy ol' sickos out there.

4. .What do you love most about your wife? besides everything like we do. How big her heart is and how she's a woman chasing after God's own heart. I used to love how straight and nice her teeth were. Seriously. It's what first caught my attention. Then she didn't wear her retainer and they're crooked again. So as soon as insurance kicks in she's getting braces.

5. Mr. Max wants to know if Jon represents with his shorts and boots when he fishes in the concete pond??!! (and the Elrods's love the Starks) HAHAH HAHA What's up Mr. Max! I don't go fishing out here any more. I got a taste of the South and it's just not the same out here. But I do miss tearin' up all the bass out there in Arkansas. Remember when we were at Scout Camp and we got into a canoe and we went down the stream and I'm pretty sure I out bassed you! haha Good times!

6. What is Jhen's dessert of choice? Scotchmallows from See's Candies

7. What is Jhen's favorite place to shop...when $$ is available? H&M and Forever 21 (the devil stores).

8. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? Arkansas. Hands Down. Cause there's land, green, and fishing.

9. If Jhen could visit anywhere in the world, where would she go and why? Everywhere! Any country that would allow her. Why? Just to mark it on the facebook app "where have you been". She's weird like that.

10. How do you feel about Jhen's blog? Would you change anything? I would change her time on it. I don't like her on the computer that much. She used to say that she had to be on here mingling in the blog world for other people to find her and know about her blog. I didn't like it. I still kind of don't. Not her blog, but the time spent blogging. I love when she reads back her posts to me and I see from the emails she gets that she's serving some sort of purpose and that's cool, I just want her active and living. I'm all about doing things and less about sitting around. But I do like her most recent shift on the blog. She's gutsy and saying things that I see are making her more unpopular, but better to sift out the ones she truly wouldn't melt with anyway because she really does speak from her heart.

11. How do you feel about being a dad to a little girl? I love it. I actually always wanted only little girls. I had a friend who had three little girls and watching him with them made me so badly want to be a dad to three little girls. I don't want any more biological kids, so I would adopt boy or girl, but having a little girl is the most scariest thing I face each day. The girls gorgeous. Truly gorgeous and I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to give her away. So baby boys, step up to the plate because you'll have big shoes to fill because she'll always love her daddy.

A Backyard Melody

2011-06-14T05:00:00.000-07:00

My entire side of the family is in town for a short two weeks. So we're all together which brings a lot of laughter and a lot of these moments.

We grew up performing in whatever way we were told or asked, and although I rolled my eyes at it back in the day, now it's lovely memories. So, here it is:

Our Cover of Eisley's "Trolley Wood"

Trolley Wood Cover from Jhen Stark on Vimeo.

Vocals: Jen Hammer, Jhen Stark, Jaclyn Hammer
Guitar: Jimmy Hammer
Harmonica: Zack Thompson

Love the Dopeness? Well guess what... From Here to Eternity has opened up for "Supporters" and your add for your etsy shop, business, boutique or blog can be featured on my sidebar as well as my "Support Us" page for $3.00 a month. The money will go to funding our global trips and the organizations we're working with... check out the "Support Us" page for detailed info.

__________and__________

Jon answer's your questions from this post tomorrow!

She's On My Heart

2011-06-10T08:06:00.000-07:00

Its not really that early here, but I'm tired none-the-less. I've had serious thoughts rolling over and over again in my mind day and night that have kept me from ever fully resting. But I can't complain. They are thoughts that push me, challenge me, and redefine my "in the box" ideas of who my God is.

I'm a simple mother. Not quite the kind I imagined myself to be, but I am. But I'm a passionate one. And my favorite moments of my days are when it is me with my precious one rocking to sleep for nap time. The fan is blowing and she nestles right into my arms and stares as I pray out loud. I pray over her. Her future husband, and the children around the world as innocent as her who don't have arms to nestle into and be rocked.

Its always in those times that I cry. Because as much as my heart is full, it hurts. And there are honest times when I look at her and ask myself, "why did I allow such an innocent soul to enter such an ugly world?"

I don't regret having my daughter. She is a gift to be treasured, embraced, nurtured, and loved. But sometimes I get so overwhelmed by the ugliness this world has to offer and I can't imagine any of that happening to her. I don't want to imagine. Then I get frustrated that I have already exposed her to it all just by birthing her.

And sometimes, I have thoughts that say "and now I'll be held back." I know you think these are terrible thoughts, but then, might you be the ones whispering them? Like by comments like "you can't go to that country, what about your daughter? What if you die? She will lose her mother!" Or, "you can't up and move there, think about your daughter.!"

All responsible thoughts. But that's just it, I DO THINK OF HER. ALL THE TIME. So when opportunities arise, she's the first one I consider. Yet, I feel so pulled to a deeper trust than the comfortable trust our culture beckons us to. A trust that says "If and no matter what." I desire deeper blessings than that which typically get glorified on facebook and that have less to do with what I get and more to do with what others receive.

I see her innocence. I see her desperate need for love and for protection. I see her desire for hands to hold that will lead her. I see her heart built to trust. And all of that I pray, with ever inch of what my heart can hold, I pray that I can do exactly what I have been created to do for her, while at the same time, abandoning the very desires of my own self and the very desires this culture screams at me to crave, and seek the face of my Jesus and His commands.

See, Jesus gave her to me. He allowed me this gift to raise, to cherish and to teach up in a way that she would also respond to His command to love others, to tell more people about Him, and to Bring Him Glory. She is my ministry. She is my child. She is my heart. And although my mind can't sometimes grasp her timing, Jesus did so perfectly and wonderfully, and with that, the three of us are a power no man can separate.

I am far from having it all together! I don't have the answers to all of life's questions, or many of them for that matter. I'm a complete mess when it comes to organized thoughts in my head. And I make terrible, terrible mistakes. I'm not better than you nor do I claim to be some humble woman in need of pity or accolade. I merely write the thoughts as I continue to process them.

__________and__________

Don't forget to check out the "Ask the Husband" post to send in your questions for Jon to answer... It's going to get crrrr.a.z.y!

__________BE:ACTIVE__________

Ask The Husband: The Questions

2011-06-08T12:04:00.000-07:00

Although I'm an incredibly passionate person, I will keep things not so, convicting on this blog. I promise. Because, I have to realize that there are moments, when I'm "waiting" that I have to enjoy the here and now, as you do too, despite the heartbreak we might be feeling for the rest of the world.

And recently, I've received questions that dig further into who we are as a family, so I thought, who better to answer, than the Leader of our Household and the silly man usually rolling his eyes when I log into blogger... So....

Jon has promised to answer all the questions that come in. Fun, huh?!?!

So here's what you do, leave a comment below with your questions or email your questions (if you prefer it more private). Ask anything you'd like as long as it's appropriate! Whether its about me, him, our family, this blog, or anything else, ask away and he'll answer in a future post. Fun. Pure fun, I say!

Email them to jhen.stark@gmail.com

(I totally got Jon's permission to post this. I respect and love my husband dearly and this silly side of him is one of his favorite sides.)

___________DO SOMETHING____________

Each post will sign off with a link to an organization you get get involved with by donating, advocating, or sponsoring.

It's Naptime

2011-06-07T07:16:00.000-07:00

Today, you can find me here:

This lady is absolutely splendid! Pure delight and purely worthy of your time. So stop over, get to know a little more about me, but make sure to get to know a lot about her and browse through!

And guess what, you might want to follow 'cause she has some other pretty lovely ladies lined up for the rest of the week.

A Very Large Difference: A response to my last post

2011-06-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

I received an overwhelming response to my last post, which I shared off of emotion. I apologize with bringing you information, yet not bringing you resources to act.

The biggest way to fight human trafficking is to work on the "demand" for sex slaves. To make an effect on the demand is to believe in "men". To believe in the heart of man, and realize, "Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm." Ephesians 6:12

I tend to respond in anger. When I hear stories like that I watched in my last post, the fury inside me naturally makes me want to repay evil with evil. But the problem wont be fixed and the traffickers will press on. The root of the problem, is that the heart of men desire such things. WE MUST GO IN WITH LOVE and effect such desires.

It starts with our own children. Our own boys. We must teach them to respect, love and cherish humanity. We must show what love is to our sons and daughters so that as time continues on, the demand will fade.

But the fact remains, these things are happening. In the world we live in and in the moment I safely type this from my computer screen in my air conditioned home, bad things are happening to innocent people. Terrible things.

So what can we do now...

1. PRAY. We cannot change the world. We cannot change hearts. It's an impossible task for us to take on. It is something, I believe only Jesus can do. But we must bring Jesus to them. We must die to ourselves so that Justice can be found. We must get on our knees and believe in our hearts that we, along with others can make a difference. We must pray.

2. SHARE. Tell people about it. Create awareness. People need to know what is going on. We can't live in such affluence while there are other's going through what they are when we have the resources to prevent it, to change it, to stop it.

3. RESPOND. Do something! I can't judge or convict you to say what you are doing or can do is good enough. That is purely between you and God. But there are outlets. Lots of outlets. Currently, a blog is being made that will go live soon, producing such outlets and boy, I'm excited to share it with you because it has good stuff, but until then, I will share the resources I know now.

The Polaris Project

Not For Sale

Love 146

Somaly Mam Foundation

There are so many resources out there, and I strongly recommend you continue to search. Don't stop here. My blog is just a tiny glimpse into the world of Fighters who are dedicating their very lives to making an impact to end Human Trafficking. I barely skimmed the surface.

But don't lose heart. We are all a team together, and if we work hard, in Love, we can make a difference. A very large difference!

I want to yell, ENOUGH

2011-06-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

This wont be pleasant, but the WORLD has GOT to know!!!!

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I get angry. Real angry. Angry enough to judge every man on the face of this earth. But then I feel broken. Broken enough to know that this is a fallen world. Only to feel empowered. Empowered enough to go and do something about it. Will you?

From This Mama to You

2011-06-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

I think a lot. And some of my most recent thoughts have lead me to write this, from a mama to another mama.

I want to see a lot of things in this world change. But I can't do it all. But I can make a dent by investing in the little life I've been blessed to care for. And while there are many things that need to be done in ending Human Trafficking, one of the greatest needs is to change the demand, and to change the demand means to change the hearts of our men and women, and that starts with our own.

So...

As a mama of a little girl, I promise you, mamas of little boys:

To raise her to know her self worth and beauty. To be confident in the way God created her so that she wont have to seek confidence in your sons.

To raise her with a heart for modesty, so that she will feel beautiful with her most delicate skin covered in such a way that your sons will not have to be tempted and tested with what she wears. So that your husbands wont have to see a young girl with her curves flaunted in such a way... so that it will be her heart your sons desire.

To raise her to respect others and to see them for their self beauty and not world beauty, so that kindness would flow from her.

To raise her to respect those older and wiser, and seek wisdom from those who have walked before her.

To raise her to cherish this time on earth as something limited, so that your sons may be cherished as well.

To raise her to embrace the innocence of children, so that if she were blessed to birth your son's children, she would care and nurture them in love.

To raise her to find a passion and to seek after Jesus so that your sons may find their passion and seek after Jesus without a hindrance.

To raise her to love purity.

I promise to raise my daughter in such a way, that she grow into a young woman that will not cause your sons to stumble or their thoughts to wander. I promise to raise her in such a way that this world would change, if even the slightest, for the better.

And that is my promise to you.

From Here to Eternity

2011-06-01T21:39:00.000-07:00

One of my most favorite blog reads had one of her previous blog posts featured on FaithBlogs this week which had me reread the words that are so in tune with what my heart has been focusing on these past few days, which is why you have found this space different, yet again.

Because it is all about Eternity. And it is about letting go of my self, my wants, my desires, so that Jesus, in all of it, may become greater!

You have read of changes to come. You have seen this place grow. You have heard whispers of what is in store. But I will say it all now.

We're incredibly focused. We're not exactly all sorted out, but we're focused. And like what Rylie wrote, we want eternity written on our hearts, so we set our eyes on Him and go out to the world.

In August, I'll be joining a few on a trip to countries to witness first had the work that is going on in the fight against Human Trafficking. And it is a trip that has me fighting every single fear my mind can process. But as I allow my mind to rest in eternity, nothing from here on can destroy my soul. Yet as excited as I am for this opportunity, I know this will be the most heart changing experience I will have ever faced.

And we aren't about just the three of us anymore (not sure if we really ever were), but we're moving beyond that. We have encountered others that have pushed our hearts to give bigger and love more, and we are excited to work alongside each of them as we aim to respond to His command to seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case for the widow. [Isaiah 1:17]

Benham Photographers

So we'll do it together. United in the forefront, and trusting in each other's love, we cherish these times we have to laugh in safety and run in comfort, because the road ahead does not look pretty. But thank you Jesus, that wherever He is, Beauty is all that follows.

And I have had time to find comfort in some of the darkness in my heart. I've remained quiet as I listened to the Truth be told back into the wounds of my spirit. And from that I feel all the more joyful in the adventures we are about to embark on. Because in the end, and from here to eternity, it is all about less of me, so that He may become greater!